h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A day at the races. - A599358
Author: Morally Challenged Banana - U116456

Please read this highly informitive piece of writing that i thik would benefit many people

Hi, Morally challenged Banana!

This entry seems to have slipped through the net without any comment so far. I've had a good look, and these are my impressions:

First, it's a little unfocused. Horse racing is a huge topic, and I think you'd be better off concentrating on specific advice and information about a visit to the races in the UK - I think you could drop the mention of rich races in Dubai, for example.

If someone is considering a first trip to the races, they'll need more information: how many races are there likely to be? when should they arrive? which are the most important races? will there be parking or transport problems? Let people know that racecourses in winter can be really, really, cold, and hats, carves and gloves are needed. Expand a bit on betting on the tote compared to betting with a bookie.

I think you've made a good start, but you need to focus the entry a bit more on what you actually have in the title - 'A Day at the Races', not 'Horse Racing'.

Good luck!
Azara

I'd echo Azara's words here MCB and add a request to spell check the entry. It contains quite a few of these - you’ve - caused by pasting.

Also 'Specially bread' should be 'specially bred'
and 'bast' should be 'best'.

Good luck.

I'm going to basically echo Zanquon's and Azara's comments here. This entry to me needs to be more structured,and needs more depth on the subjects mentioned. For example, you only touch on the fashions, whereas you might like to go into more detail (this is up to you, of course), and similarly.

I agree to some extent with Azara's advice of restriction the subject matter. Certainly, you should make a decision about what your subject is, and avoid going off the subject.

For example, if you restrict the topic to 'a day at the races', you could give more detail about different types of event, or particular courses, for example, whilst avoiding references to horse racing in general.

Something else you might like to consider is using GuideML, to help provide structure to the entry, in the form of headers, and subheaders. Using GuideML is not compulsory, but I reckon that using it makes a good impression, which might mean your entry is more likely to be picked by the scouts. If you want to learn about GuideML, the best place is probably the GuideML clinic here A187229. If you want any assistance, i'll probably be able to help you.

I think this has potential to be a good entry, but there are many grounds for improvement.

Thanks for the input so far. What do you think of my rubbish attempt at GuideML? Any further improvements needed. Should i keep working on it?

I've had a look at your GuideML, and, welllllllll

Paragraphs are better separated by /wrapped in and rather than empty pairs:
This is a para.
This is another.
But please accept congratulations on finding out this nice trick to get vertical separation

Other than that, you might want to use the ordered list feature for the enumerated part:

This is an item that automatically gets a number
This is another
If you've got more stuff in a list item then put it into para tags of its own
Be careful: the (P)..(/P) tags are *inside* the (LI)(/LI) tags
-- I always forget to *close* the list

The tag isn't used for Edited Guide entries but you can put it to good use for anything you might fancy elsewhere.


As to your entry:

I haven't seen the original version but I gather that you've done a good job to it. Here are some minor comments from my side, if I may:

"anyone that goes" should be 'who' there
"you,ve" --> you've

"A straight on the nose or, simply put, to win line." -- sorry I didn't get that.

IMHO, you're describing the 'Getting to a course' part in somewhat too much detail (railways and all) which doesn't contribute to the subject matter. On the other side, it falls off rather rapidly towards the end.

My suggestion would be to add another header 'How to behave if you've won or lost a bet' and add a few words just to round it off and counterbalance the introduction part. 'Being in the fresh air...' would then become a nice closing and (in case you've lost all your money) reconciling finishing sentence.


Anyway, this is your entry and *you* decide what's in it and what isnt

Hi, MCB!

I'm very impressed with the amount of work you have done on this since I commented before. You really have dealt with the points I raised very thoroughly - I think that the entry is now well focused on the actual topic of a day at the races, and would be very helpful to someone thinking of going for the first time.

There are one or two small points about punctuation etc. that I'll get back to you about tomorrow. But anyway, the overall structure and balance are now much improved (Scouts please note!)


Azara

a few more improvements done. Fixed my feeble attempt at GUIDEML. going to Oz in a few weeks might go to a racecourse there after all the auzzies love horseracing and rugby (or should i say auzzie rules). Anyway thanks for all the help you guys! Hope it gets picked one day

thumbs up!

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!