h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Unless I miss my mark, this is the same historic Lincoln where gaping tourists crane their necks and dislocate their bonnetted heads to view with awe the majestic Norman Cathedral against a traditional back-drop of Vulcan bomber; Where trainloads of tourists, munching pork pies and cheese-and-onion crisps are dummy-strafed by RAF Harriers. England in microcosm. How I miss it!

No, not mistaken. This is the Lincoln of hordes of shell suited americans and tiny japanese people all craning their necks at the bloody big church in my back garden. "Oh god you are so big, while I am soooooo small".

Lincoln wasn't on the Japanese Grand Tour the last time I was there (Incredibly, 17 years ago. God I feel old!). The rail journey from Nottingham is sacred tradition in our family. It was the last real excursion I made with my Grandmother before she passed away; and one of the first bits of England I showed my wife, just after we were married (Then on to Skeggy!).

Changed my name from aaron a aardvark. I couldnt handle being first in the phone book. Also got unexpected e mails from Judge Dredd fans. Its a wierd wibbly wobbly world. Yes the self same Lincoln. However the Vulcans have gone and been replaced by aircraft that carry their own umbrellas round with them, the E3a Sentry for the anoraks amongst us. Yes the bloody big church on the hill and the japanese tourists that insist on photographing my quirky house just off steep hill. Heaven knows why they fly 12,000 miles to waste film on my abode. Where are you now and why dont you pop in sometime for tea and cakes.

Howdy Howy! The new nom de guide has a nice ring. The world marches (stumbles) on, so it does, Vulcan bombers turn into things with less poetic names; and the tourists get smaller and more grimly determined to document other people's stuff; but I do fancy some tea and cakes in the shadow of a Norman cathedral. I'm in Canada now... since 1971, in fact; and I'd love to get back and do some serious running around. The last time was just after getting married; and involved more family visiting than site seeing.

JTG