h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

bugger you beat me to it ... please consider these additons to fill in your ommisions.
CANADA (C-eh-N-eh D-eh) The Great White North, eh. A nation renowned for weather less hospitable than Siberia and the birth place of "eh", eh. Canada is a land where people are not ashamed to gives town names like Moose Jaw, Uranium City, Elbow, Eyebrow, Vulcan, and Dildo, eh. Oh, Canada a land where Beavers commands respect, eh. Most inhabitants of Canada engage in an unusual rite of passage called 'Hockey'. Hockey for those of you unfamiliar with the game is a bastardised full-contact version of curling. The stone is replaced with a small object similar in size and colour to a cow patty (or prairie cookie using a Canadian term) which is called the puck, eh. This Shakespearean fairy is bashed about with an upside down canes until it is netted behind a masked man, not unlike the treatment given to freshman school boys in Britain, eh. Through this sport Canadians learn to emulate their British and European forefathers by loosing some teeth, eh. As most Canadian youth are weeded out by the North's harsh weather and vacant plains of emptiness those that survive are considered to be the politest people in the world, eh. This politeness my also have arisen due to their closest neighbour being the worlds largest military might and their neighbour's foe being at the opposite end, eh. Canada is also the home of the Mounties, unfortunately I can not speak of them here as the all royalties to them have been sold to Disney, eh.

Canada is a nation divided into four distinct societies.
1.On the extreme east is Canada's newest region the Maritimes. The Maritimes was slowly brought into the Canadian fold with a steady supply of whisky. The last eastern province to join was Newfoundland 'home of the newfies" in 1967. To win this land Canada unveiled a secret weapon known as 'the Scotch and Soda' coupled with unemployment insurance and provincial transfer payments it was too tempting to resist. Maritimers are primarily of Irish decent and are known throughout Canada for being good fiddlers, inbred, and not of swift wit. It is often said in Canada that you can always pick out the maritimer on an offshore oilrig because he is the one throwing breadcrumbs to the helicopters.
2. Next is Quebec the land of the Francophones. Canadians who hate Canadians populate this region. They have fought for separation ever since they have been a part of Canada. Unfortunately they realise that separation would only lead to amalgamation by the USA, so they simply bicker and wish to surround themselves with a wall and live an existentialist life not unlike the people of Cricket. For a short while they violently protested against their Canadian masters and formed a militia called the FLQ, funny enough that is almost phonetically the response they received from Prime Minister Trudeau.
3. In the centre of Canada are The Prairies. Which could easily be summed up by the word 'flat'. The Prairies have been traditionally known as a communist hot bed and shares its closest ties with Siberia. Here the CCF and the NDP got their starts. They are also the only region to have hung their founding father, but not until they institutionalised him awhile. If you have ever been to the Prairies you would have considered their actions entirely just. Not long ago the elected a conservative cabinet and to this date arrested 12 of them.
4. Western Canada is the least interesting region and the most picturesque. Here the population is the most similar to those of the USA, especially those in California. On of the West's claims to fame is backing the Reform party. The Reform party is a quasi-fascist organisation led by a MR. Dress-up look alike. Another claim to fame of theirs is an almost legalisation of marijuana. Please note that these two incidences are not mutually exclusive occurrences.

Researcher's note: With all this going for Canada I happily consider Canada the greatest Country in the world. After all where else can a political party named the Drunken Anarchist Society have a fight chance for election.

And remember Vote for D.A.S. and we'll give you the Pint you paid for.
And if you can mark an 'x' we're the party for you.

I'm afraid I am presently and temporarily in that western bit you only partially mentioned and would like to voice what it is like down (or up if you are down under in the States) here.

You missed:
- Even though the population is like the States, we are proud we are still Canadian (even by a small margin), eh?
- We have a huge debt, like the rest of Canada, thereby firmly establishing us as Canadian
- We get guys here who want to hunt whales, saying they want to adhere to tradition. Despite the fact that their forefathers gave up already for seventy-odd years, and that they want to use things like shotguns and motor boats the guys who hunted the whales have never heard of.
- Our bumpy hills offer a smooth ride to the middle flat bits. If you think of those as mountains, or the ride as uneven, that's your problem.
- We have good reason to drift apart if the Francophone guys down east do. And I mean drift as in making a new island. Hey, what do you thing the earth quakes are for?

Canada all the way! Canada is a great country when you think about it. Yes I am a Canuck, but it's true. We're basically the Peacekepers of the World, while our neighboors (U.S) are the Policemen of the World.

Where do we draw the line between blindly following American doctrine and our national independance?

We see the U.S. under NAFTA being able to subjugate the nation using economic forces. Our entire history is based on fighting American conquest and now we throw in the towel in the name of globalization.

I do agree that Canada supplies world class peacekeepers, but why have we shifted from fulfilling the World's need under the U.N. to the Northern Hemisphere's (some contend American)under NATO. I think its a dangerouse shift.

We declared war in WWII two days after Britian to stress our independance, and I now see us going into some of these World conflicts like well trained pets.

Discuss.

In my opinion the Canadian governemnt tends to follow the U.S in mostly everything it does or agrees with them at least. The Canadian governemnt is not that strong, and thinks it can't afford to affend the states. Which really is a shame. So yes we do go into these wars like "well trained pets" But do you see anyone doing anything about it? No.

In my opinion the Canadian governemnt tends to follow the U.S in mostly everything it does or agrees with them at least. The Canadian government is not that strong, and thinks it can't afford to affend the states. Which really is a shame. So yes we do go into these wars like "well trained pets" But do you see anyone doing anything about it? No.

I would tend to believe that we have simply bought into the concept that there is nothing we can do.

Implementing change takes action. However the general malaise and apathy that has gripped the country means the general Canadian thinks their voice is not being listened to so why voice opposition. Its a tricky scenario but one that is leadig to more problems than we Canadians care to admit.

Canadians are slowly losing what identity they have left. If we had stronger governemnts, maybe a lot of problems could be solved. Unfortunately we simply have a puppet governemnt to the states. What can we do about it?

Get involved. Make them realize they are accountable to the public. Start with one little thing. Talk about in places like this and other sites so people start to think about it. Get informed and proactive.

Here's a start.

Write a letter to the paper or to your MP. Hell, try and get them to do something about the flooding in MB and SK. MB has over 4 million acers saturated with water. The problem is its not a flood so the fields just look wet. But there are substantially more acers affected this year than in the Winnipeg flood of 97. That's in MB alone. No seeding means means no crops. No crops mean no cash flow. No cash flow means business's close. It is a disaster affecting over 24 thousand square km of land and they won't recognize it because its not an election year.

Sorry for the rant but its something.

Okay, I know about the 97 flood. I helped sandbag to protect homes. Yes, every year we have flooding, but the people who live in the Red River Vally know that, and usually take preventative measures. After the water goes down is when farmers start to plant usually. So people do take action sometimes just not as noticable. There is also Amnesty International, which does that sort of stuff.

Okay, I know about the 97 flood. I helped sandbag to protect homes. Yes, every year we have flooding, but the people who live in the Red River Vally know that, and usually take preventative measures. After the water goes down is when farmers start to plant usually.
So people do take action sometimes just not as noticable. There is also Amnesty International, which does that sort of stuff.

This years scenario is much worse than the 97 flood in terms of sheer economic impact.
Keystone Agricultural Producers estimate as many as 50% of producers could be forces off the land in some regions.

Why do you post everything twice?

But hey, its all good, just have to keep on a smiley face.

I accidently post eveything twice. It takes too long, so I stop it then post it, thus it appears twice. Very unintentionally I might add.
But anyways don't these people have insurance? They live in the Red River Valley, and they know it floods every year. I mean, arn't they more prepared? It's not like the flooding is a big surprise.

Here's the interesting part.
While insurance would cover the damage and the analagy to "building on a flood plain" is accurate for the Red River Valley, the Areas affected here have never seen this before. People that have held land for generations are facing this prospect for the first time. So even though there is insurance available it would have been as relevant as EarthQuake insurance in MB.

But still, after the 97 flood you would have thought a lot of these farmers would have got insurance anyways, even if they weren't affected. Better safe then. Not that I'm saying they shoudn't be compesated, but even though they've never gotten flooded they should still realize that it could happen.

Where else in the world do you have an official dictionary that recognizes both American and British spelling of words. We are quite an inactive bunch, very laid back - so much so that nobody could take a stand once and for all and say, okay, lets spell it "colour". Nope - both spellings are acceptable. I still love Canada dearly though - think I'll go have a shooter of maple syrup with a back bacon chaser!
Love, Random

first of all, "canadian" is a state of mind whereas "american" is a mind of the state (i think most would agree that this is quite obvious here. secondly, most people never stop to consider the phenomenon known as natural selection. this is a natural process where the weaker, less intelligent individuals of a population are weeded out by predators. thus, ensuring a strong future for the prey animals being that the strong survive the predators. fairly simple, eh? well what almost everyone doesn't realize is that humans have designed themselves a little safe haven where the likes of natural selection are no longer a factor. the point? simply this; for generations now the weaker and less intelligent human animals have been able to continue breeding and creating more and more of themselves. it is linear thinking people like yourself that prove to me that not only is this the case but it is more evident in the united states than anywhere else on this little blue-green planet.

signed,
an ex-american now residing in, yes, canada

first of all, "canadian" is a state of mind whereas "american" is a mind of the state (i think most would agree that this is quite obvious here). secondly, most people never stop to consider the phenomenon known as natural selection. this is a natural process where the weaker, less intelligent individuals of a population are weeded out by predators. thus, ensuring a strong future for the prey animals being that the strong survive the predators. fairly simple, eh? well what almost everyone doesn't realize is that humans have designed themselves a little safe haven where the likes of natural selection are no longer a factor. the point? simply this; for generations now the weaker and less intelligent human animals have been able to continue breeding and creating more and more of themselves. it is linear thinking people like yourself that prove to me that not only is this the case but it is more evident in the united states than anywhere else on this little blue-green planet.
feel free to express your feelings on this matter.

signed,
an ex-american now residing in, yes, canada

i apologize. i didn't mean for my last posting to seem like an attack.

consider the following:
(1) the reason that most of canada lives just north of the border is because its kind of difficult to survive in the frozen tundra. furthermore, if this were the case, it would certainly deal a crushing blow to canada's tourist industry.

(2) as far as your canadians getting zapped analogy goes, nothing could be further from the truth. in fact, more and more canadians are putting americans out of a job each new year. this is largely in part to the fact that canada's universities, contrary to popular canadian belief, are a far cry better than american institutions. i won't go into the details here but your just going to have to trust me -- i've lived in both countries (toronto, los angeles, new york and pennsylvania in all).

(3) canada rocks. i've never been anywhere else where i've met as many friendly, bright-thinking individuals as those in canada. additionally, there is a ton of stuff to do in canada. just walking around toronto brings on a sensory overload.

Independence from whom?

Remind me again when (with dates) these countries joined WWII:

a) Britain
b) Canada
c) United States