h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

FOR NO REASON CERTAIN PARTIES HAVE ORGANISED A DOUBLE PRONGED ATTACK ON US PHYSICALLY USING DEADLY BIO WEAPONS FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE AND A PSYCOLOGICAL ONE SPREADING FALSE RUMOUR AND PROPERGANA.

WE HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS WE GIVE YOU WOOL TO CLOTHE YOURSELVES AND KEEP WARM YOU EAT US TO STAY STRONG AND HEALTHY.

WE LOVE YOU WE ARE AS LIKE PARENTS TO YOU STOP THIS NONSENSE AND FIGHT YOUR REAL ENEMY THE CAT

Just what is wrong with us cats ?...We keep your lap warm in the winter,we let you ruffle our well groomed coats without too much complaint , we love you (when you feed us) Your real enemy is the satan spawn that is called Gerbil !!

WE ARE MUCH ANNOYED THAT YOU GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT WE GET LEFT ON COLD MOUNTAINS AND FIELDS YOU GET A HOUSE YOU ANNOY HUMANS BY BEING ALWAYS THE WRONG SIDE OF A DOOR AND MEOWING ABOUT IT YOU LOOK UPON HUMANS AS YOUR SLAVES YOU WASH YOURSELVES IN YOUR OWN SPIT AND PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE CLEAN YOU ALSO JUMP ON HUMANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT LOOKING FOR THE JUICY BED MICE MOVING BENEATH THE BLANKETS AND ALWAYS LAND ON SOMEONES SENSITIVE SPOT ALTHOUGH WE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT GERBILS SCRATCHING AROUND IN YOUNG HUMANS BEDROOMS ARE VERY ANNOYING