h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mom: Felling better?
G: A little.
Mom: Your grandfather is here.
G: Didn't you tell him I was sick?
Mom: You're sick, that's why he's here.
G: But he'll pinch my cheek. I hate that.
Mom: Maybe he won't.
N: How's the sick?
Mom: I think I'll leave you two alone.
N: I brought you a special present.
G: A present? It's a book.
N: When I was your age television was called books. And this is a special book. It's the book my father read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm going to read it to you.
G: Does I have any sports?
N: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles.
G: Sounds OK. I'll try to stay awake.
N: Why thank you. Your confidence in me is overwhelming. The Princess Bride. By S. Morgenstern. Chapter One.

Ok. This is getting serious. I haven't watched the film for a little while, so I'm gonna have to do that before I attempt to quote whole scenes (I'm Ok at the odd line, but a whole scene?).

So, give me some time and keep the quotes coming. I promise that I will add a scene sometime soon. (Honest!).

(If I don't, keep reminding me!!)

Cheers

Wolfie

N: Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite asttimes were riding her horse and tromenting the farmboyt hat worked there. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?
G: Yea, it's really good.
N: Nothign gave Buutercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
B: Farmboy. polish my horses saddle. I want ot see my face shine in it by morning.
W: As you wish.
N: "As you wish' was all he ever said to her. Imagine her surprise when she realized tht when he said 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' She was even more amazed the day she realized that she truely loved him back.
B: Farmboy? Fetch me that pitcher? Please?
W: As you wish.
G: Hold it, hold it.
N: What is it?
G: There kissing. Where are the sports? Is this a kissing book?
N: Wait, just wait.
G: When does it get good?
N: Keep your shirt on, let me read. Westley had no money for marriage, so he paced his few belonging to seek his fortune across the sea. It was a very emotional time for Buttercup.
G: I don't believe this.
B: What if something happens to you?
W: Hear this now. I will always come for you.
B: But how can you be sure?
W: This is true love. Do you think it happens every day?
N: Westleys ship never reached it's destination. It was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left prisoners alive. When Buttercup heard that Westley had been murdered--
G: Murdered by pirates is good.
N: --She went into her room and for days she neither slept nor ate.
B: I will never love again.

N: Five years later the Great Square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperdinck's bride-to-be.
H: My people. A month from now, our country will celebrate its five-hundredth anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common, now. Would you like ot meet her?
Crowd: Yea!
H: The Princess Buttercup!
N: Buttercup's emtiness consumed her. Althoughthe law of the land gave Humperdinckt he right to choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Humperdinck's reassurances that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.
V: A word, my lady? We are but ppoor, lost circus performers. Is there a villiage nearby?
B: There is nothing nearby, not for miles.
V: Then ther will be no one to hear you scream.
I: What is that you are ripping?
V: It's fabric form the uniform of an army officer of Guilder.
F: Who's Guider?
V: The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin. When the horse reaches the castle the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guiderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead ont eh Guider frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
F: You never said anything about killing alnyone.
V: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
F: I just dont' think it's right, killeing an innocent girl.
V: Am I going mad, ordid the word 'think' escape your lips. you were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
I: I agree with Fezzik.
V: Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truely your concern. I will kill her. And remember this, never forget this, when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy! And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland?
I: Vizzini, he can fuss.
F: Fuss, fuss. I think he likes to scream at us.
I: Probably he means no harm.
F: He's very very short on charm!
I: You've a great gift for rhyme.
F: Yes, yes , some of the time.
V: Stop that.
I: Fezzik are there rocks ahead?
F: If there are, we'll all be dead!
V: No more rymes now, I mean it.
F: Anybody want a peanut?
V: Arrgh!

whoah i just realised how much i need to watch this film again! i used to know the whole lot and now i can't remember *sniff* will report back when i know it!

V: We'll reach th cliffs by dawn. Stop doing that. We can all relax, it's almost over.
I: Are you sure nobody is folllowing us?
V: As I told you it would be absolutely, totaly, and in all other ways inconcievable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could've gotten here so fast. Out of curiousity, why do you ask?
I: Oh, I jsut happen to look behind us and something is there.
V: Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night....through ell-infested waters.

(splash)
V: go on, go after her
I: I don't swim
F: I only dog-paddle
V: augh! veer left. . . left!
(horrible screeching)
V: do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels. If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh. (more screeching) If you come back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels.
(screeching gets steadily louder, there's an eel right in front of her, it opens it's mouth to eat her and –)

N: she doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.
G: What?
N: The eels doesn't get her. Now I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.
G: I wasn't nervous!
N: (gives G the hairy eyeball)
G: Well, maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing.
N: Because we can stop now, if you want.
G: No! You can read a little bit more. . . if you want.
N: Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels!
G: We're past that, Grandpa, you read it already.
N: Oh, oh my goodness I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon. Let's see, she was in the water, the eel was coming after her, she was frightened, the eel started to charge her and then –

(giant arm smashes down on eel's head and pull's B out of the water)

V: put her down! Just put her down.
Ilooking behind) I think he's getting closer!
V: He's no concern of our's! sail on! (tying B's hands) I suppose you think you're brave, don't you.
B: Only compared to some.

Yikes. I thought that this thread would be dead and buried forever. Welcome anyway!