h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A562321

Hello.
I wrote this entry about a beach I like. Also, I think this beach is a social phenomenon by itself.
A person visiting Israel, can use this entry to get to this cool beach.
So check it out and tell me what you think.

A Perfectly Abnormal Guy

Outside of the number of attractive people is there any particular reason why this beach is a better beach?

Have you any information why the beach is fenced of, such as uncleared land mines left over from the old British occupation?

Is there any guarantee that the breach to the breach beach would not have been closed off?

Is the breach beach breach a proper breach or is it the sort of breach made with a pair of wire cutters? If it's a proper breach, wouldn't it properly be called a gateway or, more humbly, an opening?

Since so many people know about the breach to the breach beach, why haven't the owners arranged to police the breach to breach beach?

Just curious.

The answer to any of these questions or even all of them might add to the reasons why a scout would pick this article to be edited.

Barton

Well, I think you don't need to answer all of the questions above. IMHO it's a rather complete entry the way it is. But you should be writing in 3rd person!

Hey Barton
Thank you for taking your time to relate to my entry.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but in the past few weeks I have been struggeling with local bureaucracy to find out why the beach isn't open. btw, I can assure you there are no mines in that beach, or anywhere near it.
The owner of the beach is the city of Hertzeliya, and they just don't enforce their own regulations. This may sound wierd to someone not from Israel, but around here supervision is very much neglected in all terms by local authorities.
I think I answered all of your relative questions in my corrected entry, so I'd like another feed back, if you don't mind.

And how can I write this entry in the third person? I'm writing it out of my own expirience.

A Perfectly Abnormal Guy

I checked it out again. And the improvement is significant.

How do you avoid the first person? Well, first of all let me say the editors would also like you to avoid the second person as well.

That seems to leave the third person, who refuses to give his name.

You can avoid the second person by saying something like. "People who would like to visit Breach Beach would be advised to drive a vehicle with a high ground clearance since the roads definitely *cannot* be described as 'improved.'"

You can avoid the first person, be being impersonal, for instance, "It is not difficult to describe the visitors at Breach Beach as some of the most attractive at any Israeli sandy venue." or you can be attributive, "One researcher remarked after visiting the beach that he had never been so impressed before with the quality of flesh displayed by members of either sex. It might be added that he considers himself quite discriminating in these matters."

Yes, it is artificial and, to some extent, hypocritical, but it is a matter of style. The researcher is presumably an expert in any subject he might choose to write on, so he should speak authoritatively.

Using the first person might encourage the reader and, most definitely does encourage the author, to belittle the opinions expressed. (Yes, of course, the article is as objective as a highly opinionated writer who *wants* to inform the reader about the 'real' situation withoug coming right out and saying that it stinks.)

Using the second person is inherently informal and should only be used when you, the writer, need to speak more as a friendly expert than simply as 'an expert.'

I have used it in one article and had it accepted. But, frankly, if I had not taken that approach, the article would have turned into a very dry lecture.

The real trick for people starting out at this or even for those who have been at it for a while, is to write what you want and then read it back aloud and try to ask yourself if it sounds interesting and natural. If not, go back and fix the nasty parts and try again.

If you can be clever, that's great. If you can't, just try to keep it understandable and interesting.

Since you are Israeli, and young (compared to me -- I'm just as old as Israel, we share a birth year. Yes, I know -- which time? Well, I do look rather good in billowing robes,, with my hair blowing back. Folks say I look a lot like my father. His name is Moshe,) I expect that your English is not as fluid as you might like. Don't worry too much about that. So far, you are doing quite well in that respect and people on h2g2 have always been willing to help out without pre-judging.

The sub-editors will also help, but we like to save them as much work as possible for the sake of efficiency and our own personal pride.

Keep at this as more people offer advice. It's already well on the way to being a fine article.

Barton

hmm, still struggling with bureaucracy? This editing into 3rd person really isn't much too difficult!

Even with the first-person references I found this to be a great entry!

I simply love the fact that there is beach vollyball net at a closed beach which is surrounded by a fence!

This one shouldn't tax the Subs too much and it's got too much good information to languish at the bottom of PR!



- X

Very good.

Scouts get this in the guide.

Researcher PSG

Very good.

Scouts get this in the guide.

Researcher PSG

HI everybody
I'm sorry it took me so long, but I'm sure you understand that the life of an Israely soldier can be very full of events nowadays...
Please check out the entry again, I've made some changes.
I completely obliterated the 1st person, but as you'll see there are still traces of the 2nd person.
I also explained a bit more about the reason the beach is closed, I thought it might soften the edge a bit for people who fear breaking a terrible strange law. Anyway, I think I may have overdone the introduction bit. Tell me if you think I should just cut it and leave in what's after "...the reasercher will learn that a beach matching the description of the Breach Beach is simply an undeclared beach." or whatever section you think sums it up best. I don't want people getting discouraged by a long entry.
I added some detailes that weren't in the entry before, but nothing too big.
Please feel free to correct my grammer, I'm sure there are many of you which can

PSG and Jimi - thanks a lot!!!
I love positive feed back....

I'll probably get on line again tomorrow, and after that - who knows...

A Perfectly Abnormal Guy

Yepp, it's Guide bound

Just a really minor thing... you could ease the SubEd's job by starting new paras not with the tag but enclosing them in and tags.




Bossel (Scout)

Cool!
Hey Bossel. I did what you said and put in instead of .
I don't know what are the customs on crediting other reaserchers. If it is customery to credit the scout that helped the reasercher - please tell me. You deserve it!

Thanks alot for your help!

A Perfectly Abnormal Guy

naaah, no credits necessary

I'm only doing what I'm paid for. Payment is done in the currency of smiling faces

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'Peer Review' to 'The Breach Beach'.

This thread has been moved out of the Peer Review Forum because your entry has now been recommended for the Edited Guide.

You can find out what will happen to your entry here: http://www.h2g2.com/SubEditors-Process

Congratulations!

As you can see, this entry was recommended for the Edited Guide because it was so brilliant!

As the note above says, you can check out what comes next at: http://www.h2g2.com/SubEditors-Process

Do keep writing about interesting spots like this one!

Congratulations again!

- Jimi X

Yepp, that's what I'm looking forward to as well


Bossel

* deletes a 'hot for next pick' line from his scouting file *

HEY! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thanks for recommending my entry, Bossel!

And thank you Jimi for your feedback

And I would like to thank the academy for selecting my entry... ahm... oh... wrong speech...

See you around (or read you, more like)

A Perfectly Abnormal Guy

It's the other way round

Jimi X recommended it, and I deleted it from my list of entries to pick next time when it's my turn again.