h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have gone through the Entry and made some initial tweaks and modifications. Can you have a read through?

I have noted that about halfway through the piece, you lapse into passive writing, with several sentences lacking an agent:

* Although the English Eddystone lighthouse had been considered as a model...
* It was thought that the waves would flow more easily through the skeletal structure.
* Reportedly it was so unsteady...
* In 1838, a committee was formed...
* A new lighthouse was needed - in the meantime a lightship was put on station.

In all cases, you might ask 'By who?' - as the sentences do not identify the agent making the report, decision or observation.

* Although the English Eddystone lighthouse had been considered as a model... (who considered this?)
* It was thought that the waves would flow more easily through the skeletal structure. (who thought this would work?)
* Reportedly it was so unsteady... (who made this report?)
* In 1838, a committee was formed... (who formed the committee?)
* A new lighthouse was needed - in the meantime a lightship was put on station. (who station the ship there? who decided they needed another lighthouse?)

Sorry to pick up on this, but I found the sentence structure difficult to read. If you don't have answers to these questions, I'll see what I can do reworking the aspects highlighted.

The Apprentice

As I am new to this and this is my first effort some initial questions.

How do I get to read your tweaks?
Do I edit my copy or yours?

I am sure I can address your points as I already have the information.

GA

Sorry. I'm not new at this - so I should remember by now I need to give you the entry number!

A22808162

I didn't want to be a nitpicker, but I've had my own issues with passive sentences in the past - and then drain the energy out of sentences and paragraphs. Everything starts to get wishy-washy - and with an excellent article like yours, I wouldn't want that to happen.

The Apprentice

Ta.

Any help is alway welcome. To coin a Chinese Proverb we tend to 'Watch the Trees' and miss the rabbit.

I will have a look and come back.

Thanks GA.

You won't be able to edit, so - adjust the sentences or paragraphs and post them here. I can complete the edit from there.

The Apprentice

Just to let you know I'm almost there, it should be done today, but if not I'm away for a week from tomorrow and will post it shortly after.

Regards GA.

If you've managed to do something with it - but not necessarily completed it - you could pass back your work and I can see if it's possible for me to finish it. Sorry to slow progress with this - but, as I said, I love a quality article and good content, and this article deserves that extra attention to get it spot on.



The Apprentice

Will do!

I have done this without checking against your original list, but I think it covers everything. I hope it is OK.

Errata - footnote re: Trinity House should read - Trinity House is responsible for the majority of lighthouses and buoys in UK waters with The Northern Lighthouse Board for Scotland.

-In 1838 the Boston Marine Society formed a committee to report on the feasibility of constructing a lighthouse on the ledge.

-Captain W.H.Swift of the Topographical Department considered various English designs, including the Eddystone lighthouse, he designed a 70 foot (21.34m) high iron piling tower drilled into the rock ledge believing the waves would flow more easily through the skeletal nature of the structure. Not only was it quicker to build, but less expensive than a stone tower. Isaac Durham, the first keeper, lit the lantern on January 1, 1850, but the tower proved unsafe for the keepers as waves swept over the ledge. Isaac Durham quit after 10 months and the pet cat jumped off to its death in the waves below. One visitor claimed that it was unsteady, swaying two feet in either direction.

-A new lighthouse was needed - in the meantime the newly incorporated Lighthouse Board put steam towboat ‘R.B.Forbes’ on station for a while in 1851 followed by Lightship ‘N’ until 1854 and purpose built lightship LV7, until the new lighthouse was built and lit.

-Remarkably, no workers were lost on the ledge, due in part to the foresight of having only men who could swim to work on the rock with a diver/lifeguard, Captain Brennock, attending.

I have returned. Good w/end in Bruxelles.

Revision completed and entry sent to the Editors a few days ago.

The Apprentice

Many thanks.

GA