h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So what kind of lame title is Associate George anyway? Join the uprising and you can be a Hero of the Rebellion!

Oooh, alright!

Do heroes get to wear cool clothes? And do we get lots of money? And movie rights?

Hey guess what! I turned in my 2 weeks notice today! And I even have another job.

WooHoo! That's so great: good for you. Tell us about it - is the new job a great great thing? More importantly, will it give you more time to visit with us??

See, this is the face of a caring empire: full of compassion and empathy, unlike some who will just offer empty promises while cashing in on the cache of adding epithets like 'rebel' and the cliched 'uprising' to their names. Pah!

Meanwhile, I'm sure I could arrange for you to be Firm But Fair Overlord Of All Humanity (Except bubster Of Course Cos It's His Empire After All) So There Greg if that would help.

*throws in a couple of freee movie passes*

PS: Love you and miss you!
bubs

P. P. S.

Love you and miss you too!

So, tell me more about these movie passes - like where is the theatre?

Oh, it's local - not even 5 minutes down the road... Cinemaxx screens, stadium seating, expensive popcorn... the works!

hmmm, so I get to be "Firm But Fair Overlord Of All Humanity (Except bubster Of Course Cos It's His Empire After All)" ?

And I get expensive popcorn? Hey, you know my kid likes some popcorn that is Y2K compliant!

I'll mull over your generous offer while you consider that amazing popcorn. And then I'll go sleep 'cause I get up at 5. And then I'll bump into things and curse them and ... well, you know, the usual stuff.

*gasps*

There's a '5' in the morning?

*faints*

Don't listen to him. You're the Hero of the Rebellion, the first one to see through these petty offers. There's no such thing as a fair empire. Sooner or later it all comes down to power and greed and dictatorship. Don't be deluded by his offers; he only really cares about one thing: himself.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

I find your lack of socks disturbing.

Eep!

LOL!

I find your lack of polyribonucleotides disturbing.

*attempts to revive bubster, but falls asleep first*

*paints clown makeup on them both*

*wakes up*
*squirts Spartus with a soda syphon then rides off on a tiny tricycle*

*throws giant shoes at bubster*

*rides back across on his tiny treddly juggling shoes*
*and a typrwriter*
*crying streams of tears horizontally into the crowds*

*gets wet and waits for the high wire act*

*throws some wire in the air*

*...*

*looks up expectantly*

*wire falls on head*

*collapses*

*applauds and eats some cotton candy*

Not cotton socks?