h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm. Hey Jonny... you're on the softball team, yeah... sooo... what do you think, the red sequin uniforms *holds up red sequin uniform* or the white lacy ones *holds up white lacy uniform* for the team?

And for those of us not quite on the team... the peacock costumes *holds up feathery mess* or the blue t-shirts?

*Starts getting into the usual panic caused by a female asking for an opinion on a matter of fashion*

Um, I dunno. Er, the sequins don't seem very practical - they'd get torn off by all the sliding and so forth. On the plus side, they would distract the opposition. Right, the lace ones. Again I have to question the practicalities of such exquisite, um, laciness. I'm sure they'd be damaged too easily. On the plus side, we'd all be mistaken for 18th century fops. Is that a plus? Not sure, but it's the best I could come up with.

How are you "not quite on the team"? I mean if you're not really in the team then neither am I, all I have to do is stand by first base telling the runners when to run and counselling them (cynically) on any relationship based questions they may have. With that in mind, I'd have to say the peacocks. Yes, definitely the peacocks.

Okay. Lace it is.

And thank you for pointing out the impracticality of white lace. I shall use reinforced white lace, and only round the collars. Then it won't get torn. And some silk frills down the front, like this. Yes. So what do you think, then, Jonny—short pants with knee socks, or big poofy Shakespeare pants with white tights? And what color should the pants be?

No, you and I aren't really *on* the team, Jonny, as we don't play. We're part of the team, but we're not on it. We'd look really silly prancing around in players' uniforms, when we don't play. So peacock costumes it is then!

Well, I'm no fashion expert, but I'd have to say that pink woolly leggings would go rather well with the tops. If you're set on choosing one of your two suggestions, I'd have to say the Willy Wobble Dagger (as my English teacher used to call him) poofy pants would be the best bet. Puce, by perference.

Can't wait for my Peacock costume. Is Frink aware of all this, by the way? Or is it going to be a nice surprise for him?

He's aware that I'm heading up costumes, but not that I've actually begun work on designing them.

Pink woolly leggings are ideal. You sir are a genius. I shall give the seamstress a bell first thing in the morning, and send the team in to be measured.

*wraps a red tape measure around Jonny's head*

Forty-seven and a half inches. *scribbles* I'll have your peacock costume in as soon as I can.

Hmm, that tape measure seems to have grossly exaggerated the size of my head. So, tell me, where would I be able to purchase such an inaccurate measuring device? (is a tape measure a device? Probably not.)

What do you mean? I made it myself. It's one-of-a-kind.

I hate to say what do you wish to measure with such an inacurate measuring instrument Jonny, but I will anyway, what do you wish to measure with such an inacurate measuring instrument Jonny?

The height of the Statue Of Liberty, obviously.

Well that's what I was thinking of