h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A figure shuffles in wearing whites that are more off-white than white. The knees and elbows still carry last year's grass stains as evidence of enthusiastic, if not always successful, slip fielding. He tosses an old, battered, cricket ball speculatively from hand to hand whilst eyeing the sprung stumps. Two gentle paces to the crease and the left arm comes over...the flighted ball pitches on off and moves six inches to the bowler's left. The ball is retrieved and flicked into the air with an experimental twist of the fingers...The cricket season has begun...*

*potters in*
Hows the indoor nets going?
You'll have to tell me how you like the pitch - I relaid a couple of squares.

*pulls on her pads for a little practice session*

*Another figure saunters in wearing sparkling new whites and a snazzy new woolen jumper (as knitted by his gran). He slides off his expensive designer sunglasses (as endorsed by Brian Lara), picks up his trusty bat and swaggers over to the crease, encouraging BluesSlider to "whip over a quick one".

whoosh, bang, whoop ... ~middle stump goes flying~

yes indeed, the cricket season has begun*

*shrugs at the idea of sunglasses in indoor nets*
If the weather's nice again tomorrow, we might have to get you to pose outside.

So, Mickey - do you have any decent keepers gloves?
Then you can bat, and I'll keep until Baldrick shows up.

*takes out a fine pair of gloves*

I've got these ... will they fit?

*throws over gloves, but as throwing action is not exactly brilliant, the gloves spiral off in two completely different directions, one lands on top of the nets and the other lands on Swiv's head*

My batting is better than my throwing action!

*gathers up the gloves and crouches behind the stumps*

Better be, I want to stay in one piece through this practice

*Lovingly flicks the ball up into the air with a twist of the fingers.*

Ready for this one Mickey?

*Takes a couple of quicker steps and the ball is released on a flatter, faster trajectory...*

*Notices a fly buzzing towards him, takes a swipe at the fly*

~thwack ... it's a beauty, centre of the bat, a peach of a drive, would have gone for six had we been outside~

*takes credit for the shot, not for one moment letting on that he was trying to swat a fly*

"Bring it on BluesSlider"

*raises newly gloved hands to protect face and incidentally sends the ball flying accross the hall*

I think we need a bit more practise

*tentatively enters the hall wearing baggy sweater, tatty whites and scruffy trainers.

Hi there, mind if I turn my arm over for a few?

Heads up Mickey - you've a new bowler to try your sweep against

* picks up ball, rubs it out of habit on stained whites, lines up seam (or whats left of it) between fingers. Three lazy steps, and lobs a very slow long hop outside off stump.......

*waits expectantly for Mickey to smash the ball and then realises...*

Oh hell! Where is Mickey?
Oh dear.....

Well it was a slow delivery, so I decided to pop to the little boys room ...

*swings at ball which swings deceptivley in mid-air knocking out the middle stump*

Drat!

* rubs shoulder

I didn't really expect that much swing indoors, must be a bit damp.

* picks up ball, rolled back by Swiv, tosses it to BluesSlider

Don't want to overdo it first time out.....when do we retire to the bar?

That sounds like an incredibly good idea

*peels off gloves*
catch Mickey!

*heads for the pavillion bar*

Hang on ...

... wait for me ... mine's a

*stuffs his gloves into bag and runs to the pavilion, tripping over as he tries to remove his pads mid-sprint*

*Looks at ball...thinks about ...heads for bar.*