h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well I have created an entry on this, it's a tricky subject so I would quite like some feedback. Especially if you think there is something important I have missed.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A538418

Researcher PSG

This is a good and comprehensive start on a subject that should be covered in the guide

I found the discrepancies in spelling, capitalisation and punctuation (Nazi's, jewish, who's, etc) a bit distracting, though

But nice work so far!

Thanks for such a positive first response.
Sorry about the spelling, I have always had a problem with it, I'll scan through the entry soon and correct as many as possible.

Researcher PSG

I thought I'd point on that the entry includes quite a bit about her life before the "annex", as well as a decent amount about her capture, but relatively little about the diary itself. Us readers want more meat! We hungry!


Mikey

The trouble is Mikey, as with all entries on a story, I don't really want to give too much away. And seeing as how this is a story about someones life in close quaters, where the emphasis is on there experiences and there path to maturity through there eyes.
It is nearly impossible to say anything without missing the point entirely and spoiling the reading experience.

Researcher PSG

A great start to what could be a really great entry

I would agree with the others that a bit more detail on the diary itself would be great. For example how they celebrated special events in the Annexe - like birthdays, Anne's personal relationships with the the other members of the annexe, and how she and Margot managed to continue their education despite being in hiding. The thing with it being a diary is that there is no plot - it's interest lies in the writer's observations. So I think it would be safe to state some of the main features of the diary. Perhaps also mention that it's also a good commentary of her experiences before the annexe, of living in occupied Holland.
Maybe also say how the diary was found after the raid (and that they were betrayed)

As to style, I would suggest putting the entry in the past tense, other than that I love it.

I'll try and fix as soon as possible, but I am in the middle of exam and assignment time.

Researcher PSG

Just before reading it, I think I should mention her name was Anna, not Anne, as far as I know, and I know alot about it, because I've heard alot about her through school, here in Israel. Never mentioning the Holocost day...

Well- off I go to read it!
Elly

...And now that I've read it, some comments:
1. You should change the title. Maybe to "Refferance to a site about Anna Frank."
2. If I didn't know all I know about her and her diary, I wouldn't have learned more from your entry.
3. She didn't call her DIARY Kitty. She pretended to be writing letters to her imaginary friend, Kitty.
4. Lately, there has been rumours about Otto Frank, editing out parts of the diary, concerning his relationship with his wife, which caused alot of noise. You didn't refer to that at all.
5. You should mention, as a footnote, or something, about every camp, was it a concentration or forced labor camp. They weren't the same.
6. You should explain why people has 2 names.
7. I think you should, as someone else said before, make it much wider and longer. You're not giving us the story- this is just a Teaser.

Wow! That was long!
If I'll think of anything else- I'd let you know...
Elly

Right all your points are valid apart from these corrections:

1) Her name is definetly Anne, according to her published diary, the official web site and about as many other referrences as I can find.

2) Quote: "But I want the diary to be my friend, and I am going to call this friend Kitty.", so Kitty is the name of her diary.

3) The present title will be fine once the content is broadened.

All the other points will be looked at, the camp footnotes exist, but I will endevour to find out more about them than simple location.

Any other comments gratefully recieved.

Researcher PSG

Sorry for walkin' all over it like that... Touchy subject...
I must say the camps names are all familiar to me, but not to most people, and you should make it clear.
I think it's wrong to use this quote's meaning literally, though you should deffinately ut it in, to make it clear you're not making it up... I still think it was more of an imaginary friend thing, than naming the diary, strictly. Just consider that.
I'll be glad to help you, if you need help on this entry.
Elly

Thanks Elly.
I should have revised the entry by the middle of next week at the latest, and I would like any comments on the revisions.
But what you could do, that would be a major help, is point me in the direction of information on the camps as I don't exactly know the best place to look for accurate information.
I hope it doesn't sound arrogant that I want to try and press on a bit further on my own, it's just I have an idea how to develop it and I want to try that first.
Thanks for the input.

Researcher PSG

You're welcome!
I think you should look for the sites of Visental institution or Yad Vashem for info on camps, But I know that Auschwitz was a concentration camp. You MUST specify on the March of Death, I don't know who's heard about it and it's very shocking and important. I shall refer Barton to your entry- he writes alot, but makes his point, and he's very helpful.

I'll be glad to be of further use.
Elly

I think you have made a good start to telling about the Anne Frank story. But, I'm not sure what you are trying to do with this article.

If you want to simply make us aware of the events and people of the story, then you need to give us more background on what was happening before and during the time covered by the diary.

If you want to involve us in the events of the diary, then you need to give in to the suggestions made here asking for more detail from the book.

If you want to present a kind of book review, you should also comment on the style and intelligence of the contents and a short quote or two to illustrate a point would be perfectly acceptable as long as it is cited properly.

In any case, you need to abandon the telegraphic, incomplete sentence style simply because it makes it hard to read. Because of this style, some of your sentences are too long holding more than one thought. They should be broken into two or three sentences. Some of your sentences have no subjects, just verbs and objects. They should be rewritten to be complete thoughts.

I do not agree with Swiv about using the past tense. I see that you are trying to create tension by stepping us through the events as if they were happening while we read. I like this a lot. You are, I think, striving to achieve a kind of newsreel effect and that is very interesting.

However, what you are giving us with each of your snippets is a headline or title and then leaving out the contents that go with the heading. That is what is causing everyone to want more details.

I think it is good to create an interest in the book, but the purpose of an entry in the guide, as I understand it, is to provide the information much as you would find in an encyclopedia, but without losing your personality, humor, and drama.

There is nothing wrong with discussing the events mentioned in the diary or the opinions and observations that Anne made. (Incidentally, to make Elly happy, Anne is pronounced as if it were spelled Anna the final 'e' is not silent.)

There is one point at the end of your article where you use the word 'I' This is frowned on stylistically in the guide, you should use the third person impersonal. For instance, you could have said, 'This researcher has not been able to . . .' Or perhaps, 'No information is available about . . .' if you are certain that it is not. Remember that as a researcher you are always writing as an authority, otherwise there would be no reason for us to come to you for this information.

I think that you have the beginnings of a very good article here. Keep at it.

Barton

Right, well I have taken what has been said on board, and have decided to re-write it in sections, so as to be sure I'm heading in the right direction.
The first section re-write is "the World Before the Annex" and is in effect a potted history of the years between just before the Franks left Germany up until going into hiding.
I was loathed to do a potted history, as there is a high chance I will have missed something people consider important, but I felt it was needed to set the scene.
So questions, comments, and clues, all gratefully received.

Researcher PSG

You did well! It is much better now.
I think you should explain what's Nazism, Aryans, why do they pick on Jews, why's Holland neutral, and so on.
I can tell you, from my family's history, that many German Jews didn't believe that things would get so bad. "The world won't let it happen", they thought. Only few bothered to leave their homes before the war began. My great grand parents left Berlin on 1939!!
Think about it!
Elly

Thanks.
I'm glad you like the new bit, I intend to do the rest of the corrections soon.
However I don't want to go into too much detail in the potted history, as it will turn into a Holocaust entry and Anne Frank may end up as a footnote.

Researcher PSG

p.s. This does not mean I wont write a Holocaust entry later. I will see how this goes first.

Are you Jewish, by any chance?

As you note, there is still a great deal of information to be added here and a lot of work to be done.

So far, I am impressed with the energy this article shows. As I mentioned before I see what you are doing and I like it.

There are lots of minor things that need to be fixed but those can be fixed any thime. Things like awkward phrasing, spelling errors or typos, and formatting. I don't list them now because I would rather see you put your energy first into expanding the next section on the time when Anne was in hiding.

Please continue to tie in what was happening outside the attic with the events inside. I think this will be powerful.

When you get to what happened after the diary was found do not forget to examine the reception of the book, the play, and the movie, particularly in Germany. There are very interesting facts there.

In the section on the period before the events of the book, I notice that you are pointing at some of the countries that went along with Hitler. Do not forget to mention those who resisted as well, for the sake of balance and fairness.

I suspect that you will eventually need to add another section that evaluates the significance of the diary as literature and as history. It is clear that the diary had a profound effect on you and that you want to convey a sense of that effect without simply recreating a book report or a retelling of the story.

I also think that you are correct to set up the history and environment before presenting the actual diary itself. Do not feel that this article is getting too long. You have found a technique that will allow you to cover the ground and the ground must be covered if you are going to do what I think you are trying to do.

Just remember that when you abstract things as much as you do, you are alomost moving into the realm of poetry and you should take care to consider nearly every sylable. You can certainly expect me to be there, hounding you to perfect what you are doing.

If you want some inspiration look up a collection of 'short stores' (I think of them as poetically condensed novels) by J. G. Ballard called _The Atrocity Exhibition_ in the U.K. and _Love and Napalm : Export U. S. A._ in the U.S._ (it will probably need to be a library as the book is out of print.) You might also look for _Empire of the Sun_ by the same author and made into a fine movie of the same name.

Barton

Hello again!
Well I have added a little bit more, 2 small sections "living in hiding" and "versions of the diary".
Now I really need advice on how to handle "living in hiding", as I am finding it hard to frame in my mind how to present peoples lives in a condensed form, and link it effectively to the world they where living in. So I have put in the skeleton section in, and I would really like to know, which parts should be emphasised more, and how to frame the little fights without getting to specific, or ending up in the social psychology of confined situations.
Oh and I found out about the different versions and have tried to put across the reason for them.
Any comments gratefully recieved.

Researcher PSG