h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are lots of vending machines on the platforms. The company that installs them are very clever and I expect they are very profitable. People regularly put money in, the machine jams, stalls and doesn't give you anything, including your money back. Your train arrives, finally. Do you fight the machine for your 40p or get the train. You hit the machine and get the train. There isn't any chocolate in there, you do know that really, don't you?

I must say that the chilled Cadbury chocolate machines are one of the fonder memories of my trip to London...

There is a handy trick you can impress drunken folk with - tell them the machines don't work because they are depressed, as no-one speaks pleasantly to them. Say you are going to activate their speech recognition software. Then (sneakily!) press buttons 1, 1, 0 while asking, 'how are you feeling?' - the little LCD display will let you know!

Best place to get rid of 1p and 2p coins, because you get a return for them...try to put 40 1p coins in before the train comes...can be quite thrilling sometimes!

well i know that *now*, don't i? after going to the trouble of actually ringing up the number - you know, the one they put at the bottom of the instructions, 'in case of complaint' or something - and leaving messages with my name and address and complaint. nothing. not a dicky bird. i think the vending machine companies are the same as the machines they run - you do know they don't actually have any people in them, don't you?

well i know that *now*, don't i? after going to the trouble of actually ringing up the number - you know, the one they put at the bottom of the instructions, 'in case of complaint' or something - and leaving messages with my name and address and complaint. nothing. not a dicky bird.

i think the vending machine companies are the same as the machines they run - you do know they don't actually have any people in them, don't you?

I put 40p or however much it was in a vending machine, and it gave me three bars of chocolate - all different.
And I wasn't complaining, and I didn't kick it

I twice got a bargain from these machines, once put in the money and not only got the chocolate I wanted but my money back as well. On another occasion a friend and I were sitting near the machine when a man was refilling it, for some reason we must have been looking starving or remarkably attractive and he gave us a bar of chocolate each and a packet of chewing gum!!!

For more on vending machines and other "food issues" on the tube visit this page:

http://victorian.fortunecity.com/finsbury/254/tubefood.html#chocolate

The ones on the Northbound Northern Line King's Cross platform love giving away free packets of gum. It's always worth shoving your hand in, and always check the change box because they love giving away money. I swear I found a £2 coin in there once!

They also remind me of a rather fun vending machine at my old secondary school (Central Foundation, at Old St.) in the cafeteria which had a predilection with giving people two tubes of Fruit Pastilles. Y'see, it'd push the tube forward and out, and sometimes a second tube'd fall out as well. You'd then hang around and laugh at the next person who ordered Fruit Pastilles, as they paid their money and watched as it merely pushed all the tubes forward a place, then business continues until the next 2-4-1 happpened.

If you ever have cause to go from King's Cross towards Cockfosters on the Picadilly Line, then enter the platform at the first alcove and check out the machine there. It just loves giving out freebies - I found a Boost bar in there only yesterday - also I had cause to peruse that platform regularly a few years back and I must have saved about ten quid on freebies - just stick your hand in and feel about. Also, check the change drawer. Do it. Now.