h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In 1982 I wrote to Kit Williams with my solution to the book Masquerade. I did not receive a reply.
In 1984 I worked on the second book with no name, and then having worked out the title of the book 'the Bee on the Comb' entered the competition. In May 1985 I was invited onto the programme Wogan when Kit Williams would announce the winner. On Monday 27th May 1985 I was on Wogan but was unhappy with what happened at the studio and with the behaviour of Kit Williams. Something was not right!
Two years ago by chance I purchased the book 'The Quest for the Golden Hare' by Bamber Gascoigne. Imagine my surprise when the solution I had worked out for the book Masquerade was said not to exist. So why was a woman whose solution for the first book did not exist get invited onto a television programme for the second book?
Why did Bamber Gascoigne and the publishers ignore my letters when I wrote to them in 2002?
After all they could have supplied me with an explanation. did somebody hide something?

Hello Ponycharity. Yes, I am also known as Wingnut, Ezam Hoo too. I also wrote to Kit with a solution to masq. and DID get a reply, the reply which supposedly only went out to persistent Masqueraders, but that letter was my first. Hardly persistent was I? Furthermore, I wrote part of it in the periodic table code which he maintains only 4 people cracked. I also by chance saw Kit getting out of his car in Ampthill about a week before the hare was (found) at Ampthill. I know it WAS Kit because I went over and shook hands with him. He was heading for the offices of The Bedfordshire Times!!! Why? Anyway, I`m interested to know what your solution was. Care to say? I`m only going to visit h2g2 one more time which will be tomorrow (21/01/04), and no Kit, if you`re checking this, squelch, squelch, squelch, bald. My name is mud. From midnight tomorrow, only face to face talks acceptable. Stall Saturdays.

Dear Wingnut,
Why are you only going to visit the website one more time?

Bamber Gascoigne's book 'The Quest for the Golden Hare' says that the red letters round the pictures in Masquerade are meaningless and refers to them as red herrings. I only read this book in 2002, ten years after I had worked on Masquerade and found what I thought was the solution.

In the solution I worked on the red letters round the pictures led you to a clue. Look at the picture of the Practical man taking tea by a fire, on a beach with the herring gull perched on the back of his chair. It was this page that made me think of Wood Burn Sands (shortened to Woburn Sands) The Hare can be seen hiding in the grass above the beach. From the text we can see that the hare does not go into the wood burning. In other words he does not go into Woburn Sands.
The word in red round the outside of the picture is Herring and a red one! The seaside is a red herring as Woburn sands is inland.

Now look at the third picture in the book. It shows Jack Hare sitting on a stone with the sun rising behind him. Imagine you are following the hare, with the sun behind you. This means you are now heading west so it is reasonable to assume that the approach to Woburn Sands would be from the east. Ampthill is the next town to the east of Woburn Sands. The word in red round the outside of the picture is rise and the one in notched letters sun. Sunrise.

Hope you have followed this wingnut, perhaps you finis it for yourself now. Look at the red and notched letters, and follow the Hare. good luck.

Sad to say but due to neccessity of getting back to normal? life, this will be my last contribution to “The Masquerade Conspiracy”.
Since Christmas I`ve done little else but think about Masquerade, but now I have to try and get some dosh together. In twenty years of believing my theories as to where the golden hare is really buried, I have to admit to a failure in convincing anyone else of their validity. Not a single one. I`d make a hopeless Messiah.
Although I still believe the hare to be concealed in a particular oak, I didn`t find it. No more expeditions can now take place for at least one or two years until our house is sold, and once that is done, I probably won`t be interested anyway. Or more likely the whole of humanity will be involved in World War Three, if Bush and co. have their way.
I`ve been feeling pretty wretched since Monday, but Spike Milligan has rushed in to help me onto a more even keel. I`m reading Milligan`s war. What a laugh. It`s brilliant. If you haven`t read it, you`re in for a treat of the highest order. Thank`s Spike!
Now then, what`s all this about my birth place, Woburn Sands? It IS true that I once hid in a large old OAK tree myself when I was frightened of something, a tree that had stood in the woods probably for centuries. By the time I was introduced to it as a very young child, it was old and gnarled, and quite rotten, but still strong. It was called The Devil`s Oak, and it was said that if a person ran round it a certain number of times and then stuck a Pin in it, the Devil would emerge from a particular hole in the trunk. I remember doing that when I was about three years old, but of course, nothing happened. Most of the boys in the village used to climb it as teenagers. It was like an old Ent. It is also true that when I hid in that old Oak, my POCKETS were full of……..yes………PENNIES! I`d just cheated them out of a fairground machine, (one of those machines in which a ball bearing is flicked round in a spiral path to land in WIN or LOSE slots), by using a powerful magnet. Unluckily for me, the ball eventually became magnetised and wouldn`t return back into the machine. In trying to dislodge it, I accidentally broke the glass front and was chased by the owner. So, with pennypockets bulging, I raced away from the scene and took refuge in the aforementioned oak tree until the clamour died down.
Now here`s another nice coincidence but more recent. A couple of years ago, I went on a cross country glider flight (as passenger), in order to learn a bit about navigation AND have fun. We were aloft for over six hours. FANTASTIC! It was definitely one of the best days of my life. Late in the flight we were over Ampthill and thermaling , (going round and round), when I looked down and saw some people out walking with a dog in a nice green area about 400 feet below. Suddenly I realised we were over Katherine`s Cross. You can imagine my thoughts! Shortly after that we had to land in a field on the outskirts of Westoning to be welcomed by some very aggressive diddy coy children and had to call for police back up. Strange!
O.K. Back to why this is my last message. Having to live a life where my Masquerade reality is not shared by anyone else and suffering not only ridicule but being constantly accused of suffering from delusions, it is all taking it`s toll on both myself and my family. I do have feelings. I am not R. Daneel Olivaw. I just can`t take it any more. So, much as I would like to finish the game, it`s simply not possible. Very, very clever of you though and I admire your skills. It has been interesting, and somehow I don`t think I`ve heard the last of it. I will log on tonight at around eleven just to have a quick last look see.

Bye

For now, J. BEE.
P.S. I`m not really concerned about finding or obtaining the hare. I think vindication is what really drives me. How about joining forces?. We both need each other in this quest. It`s bigger than both of us. Let the Golden Hare be what it always was, a symbol of LOVE and to my mind, PEACE. I know that in reality we are all one. Everybody. That is something that I KNOW. Communicating it to others is more difficult. We could both travel to site with BEEB, and end the quest on camera if you
so wish, and it`s fine with me if you keep the hare for yourself. What do you reckon?

Dear eetee,

How much does a piss artist get paid?

You tell me.

What are you really searching for, Noj?

I couldn`t accept charity, but for the next two weeks, the only signed copy with my real signature can be purchased at stall for £1,000 cash, of "The Bee on the Comb". This might remove block to progress. That I believe, is more than fair, isn`t it? Let`s get down to the root problem soon. If not, I can do no more. All the best, Dog Rose.

Hi,

I am documentary producer at Century Films. We are currently in the research phase for a documentary film that we may make for the BBC about Masquerade. I would like to get in touch with some of the people who are posting in here in line with my research.

Wingnut/ Eeetee in particular. I would love to speak to you about the Sotherby's auction.

And anyone else. I can be reached at the following email address.

zac.beattie(at)centuryfilmsltd.com

(of course please the @ sign... I have used (at) to try and beat the spammers.)

Best wishes,

Zac Beattie
Century Films