h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In writing these memories of my father, I am a bit troubled by not being able to recollect everything as clearly as I would like to! Here’s one memory that I’m having a bit of trouble with.

I do remember it – my father going out with a mini-van and picking up a variety of people. The way I remember it, is that my dad, in his capacity as deacon in the church, went and picked people up who couldn’t drive to church for themselves … whether they had some kind of disability, or were poor, or something like that … I can’t remember clearly. But I do seem to remember, that there may have been something wrong with some of them … I think I can remember people using crutches, or wheelchairs, or someone with something like cerebral palsy. What I do remember clearly, though, is that these trips did take place, and that my father took me along in the mini-van. The van wasn’t ours, so it was probably the church’s.

What is a bit troubling, is I can’t remember exactly why and when these people were picked up. Was it back when we were still in Pretoria, or was it when we were already in Pietersburg? Were we transporting the people to church? I am very certain that it did have something to do with the church. My father was always very active in the congregations he belonged to, in Pretoria as well as in Pietersburg. I know he was a deacon in Pretoria … I think he became an elder soon after we came to Pietersburg, and he’s been an active elder here for the remainder of the time.

I asked my mom about the trips in the mini-van … she says she can remember nothing about it at all! So, I’m stuck with the vague memories I can dredge up.

Willem, you are still under stress. If you don't struggle with it too much it may come back much more clearly. I find things spark off memories, and I have been dredging up a lot of long forgotten memories recently, some quite painful. So be patient, and they will probably become clearer.

Websailor

I agree with Webbie; at times of intense stress, having to deal with the practicalities & be a source of support, maybe the mind goes into 'standby' mode; which means *your* own emotions get a bit lost in the process.

I personally feel that keeping a Dream Diary (Jellen has a thread on this) may be helpful; certainly it has been useful that both P & me have done so during the much loved passing to Doggie Heaven....but it isn't over yet...

Grief hurts & the one you could possibly talk to...isn't there anymore.

All that can take the slightest edge off the pain of loss is to know that other people, animals, wildlife, plants etc *still* have a life ahead of them; & you made them in some way, so have a responsibility towards them.

Then, maybe, go look at the wonderful stars...we are small creatures, on a small rock, trying to do our best.

You do, I do, my fiends do. We cannot conquer death, disaster or distress...but we can be here for each other & that is what i feel DNA (RIP) would have wished.

zdt

Websailor, I'm not under great stress at the moment ... more like, a low-level worry about my Mom. The problem is I think this memory is just from too long ago ... it's about thirty years in the past, and in a time when other stuff going on were perhaps more important to my young mind!

Terri, thanks for your comment! I've been having interesting dreams ... I'll think about putting some of them in a diary. Still having a bit of trouble with getting everything I want to do, done in the time available to me.

It is bad indeed that my dad isn't there to talk to because he's been such a MAJOR support for me, with all of my problems ... which all still are there, plus now, having to deal with him not being here, and helping my mom ...

Thanks at any rate for being here for me, both of you!

Willem

Willem, that's an interesting point about memory.

I have often found, when talking to family members, that people remember events differently. What was vivid to one person wasn't important to another at the time.

My family moved around a bit when I was growing up. My dad stays in touch with old friends, and he'll say to me, 'Do you remember so-and-so?' I can often tell him an anecdote about that person from a child's-eye view that will make him laugh - because, of course, this person was an adult friend.

Sometimes I can triangulate a memory by piecing things together from other evidence, dates, major events...which is probably why the Bible has stories that start like 'in the year that King Uzziah died...'

Hi there Dmitri! I'm going to have to do lots of that 'triangulation' so as to get the story of my father's life ... my mom can't remember everything; I can remember much, but I'm going to ask my sister too what she can remember, and I'm trying to get some of the story from his brothers and sisters also. I wish my dad's uncle Gijs was still around, he could have told me lots of good stories!

I'm also currently in touch with some friends of my father's from long ago ... the Pretoria years in fact. I hope they can also help fill in some of the gaps ...

You're right about people remembering things differently. In my own case certain things are enormously important whereas other people don't even notice such things. There are certain 'cues' that can take me vividly back to a precise day, a precise occasion, decades ago, and enables me to remember minute details.

I know what you mean. One of my earliest memories is completely nonverbal and involves fire.

Grab all those witnesses and get that oral history while you can. It's precious.

<> I couldn't agree more. So much history and knowledge is lost, because we don't tell or ask, until it is too late.

It is good that you are doing this Willem. I am sure you will find out some surprising things about your Dad that you didn't know.

Websailor