h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lurch got this from the VAT men...



Extract from VAT online discussion forum


A local airport has advised me that a flight plan has been
lodged with it for the night of 24th December. They are unsure whether
the navigation service is zero-rated or standard rated. The rule state:


Air navigation services are zero-rated:
(1) when provided for aircraft weighing 8,000 kgs or more, which
have not been designed or adapted for recreation or pleasure; and
(2) when they are received for a business purpose by a person
belonging outside the UK.

The character involved will not disclose the weight or nature of his
craft or his original country of departure.

Help!

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Difficult one, particularly as the weight of the craft will reduce as
the journey progresses.

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Taking a flying guess at his country of departure and nature of his
journey I think it should be sub-zero rated.
Ho,Ho,Ho

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Are there concerns as to the import and export of semi-wild animals with
this flight?
Also, I understand one of these animals may be exhibiting a questionable
condition of health - it has been reported it has quite a red nose? -
should quarantine be considered?


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If it the same well known criminal who came last year I here there is
still an issue about 10 million incidences of illegal parking. This is
before the drunk driving charges - it is alleged that the driver
consumed over 5 million glasses of sherry on the night in question.

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This matter is also initially of serious concern to Christmas Radar Air
Pollution officers.

Not only is there the question of excreted matter falling from semi-wild
animals in flight, with velocity on striking land sufficient to cause
serious damage to persons and possessions. It is rumoured that ejection
of said matter, both in liquid and solid form, towards journey's end may
play a large part in the increasing loss of Polar ice, rather than the
usual suspect of global warming.

One must also consider the result of fermenting vast quantities of
sherry and mincemeat in the unknown being's stomach - Vast Awkward
Turbulence. Subsequent emissions of methane, hydrogen sulphide etc. also
pose a serious risk to the integrity of the stratosphere, not to mention
the ozone layer. It has been suggested that recycling of this, through
incorporation into after-burners, would reduce pollution, improve the
energy effectiveness of said transport and provide a smoother, less
taxing ride.

However, there is another similar threat, reported by R Briggs, of a
frozen mass in the form of a rotund body flying thro' the skies. It is
thought that the whole fabric of humankind could disintegrate if these
two beings were to collide in flight and cease to exist in our sphere of
consciousness
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I would hope that these semi-wild animals are quarantined upon arrival
in this country which should put a stop to all our fears. The character
in question should then be encouraged to use public transport to
continue his journey.

Ho Ho Ho!

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