h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Materials:
1-piece of wood. 2x4 preferred.
2-sharp, sturdy knife.
3-hammer (optional)
4-nail (optional

Procedure;
1-carve a handle into ONE END ONLY of the 2x4.
2-(optional) hammer nail into NON HANDLE end of the board, so that the tip of the nail sticks out one end.

Enjoy.

I do not really understand what this tool is supposed to be used for. Malicious baseball? Is it a kitchen tool (hole-in-an-egg-poker)? Or is it actually for smacking people?

He thinks he's being clever.

Well, as to the actual use of the smackin' plank, it is intended for whatever purpose you wish to use it for, BUT, I do not condone or accept responsibility for any injuries or death resulted in the overuse of the smackin' plank. splinters too. I don't take any responsibility for splinters.