h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[ON THE MONITOR, Mew dematerializes]

*The door behind Mew opens, and (of course) Jim appears.*

Well done, my friend. I must now give you a choice between aiding me in carrying out my employer's demands, or returning home and never knowing who I work for.

}Somehow I think this is familiar. All right, I'm staying. What's going on?{

point one - I can't tell you who my employer is yet, because he hasn't told me. Only Stavro knew.

point two - All the people whose androids have "died" are now helping me orchestrate new "deaths"

point three - The next death on the list is Uncle Heavy. His execution will be carried out by NYC.

If you'll take these *hands Mew a letter, and the remote for an android of UH* to this location *hands Mew another map, with the path through the maze to UH's room marked clearly* I'd be much obliged. The Android of UH will follow behind you while you're carrying the controlls.

By the way, the letter for UH should read something like:

"Uncle Heavy,

There is reason to believe your life is in danger. Red had powerfull allies. Use of this android and its accompanying remote control is your only hope. By pulling the "History of Nutmeg" book out of your bookshelf you'll find a secret room from which you can operate your android without being discovered.

--a Friend"

}Got it.{

[disappears]

(here we go again)

*The door behind UH opens whith a "whir" and in steps... Jim! Alive and well.*

Well done. I liked the way you dispatched of Red, too! Now I have to give you a choice: Stay here and help me orchestrate more deaths, or leave and never know who I work for.

Mew!

*Hears the door open, and looks around. Without even a waver, he takes in the scene*

Hello Jim. A smooth operation you're running here. Very nice. Very professional. I'm in. In an entirely law-abiding and heroic sense.

Mew! [looks at the monitor to his own room and does a quiet double-take]

}What's that!?{

[A previously unremarkable bit of floor has just transformed into what appears to be a bit of pink silly putty with a face. It inches its way toward the bookcase and melts under it. A moment later the Ditto -- that's what it is -- enters from Mew's doorway, grows a set of legs, and walks over, after which it turns into a completely unremarkable young man]

[Man] Hi there, I'm a Ditto!

[Mew] }Hello, Aditto!{

[Man] Er, no, what I meant was I am a ... Ditto.

[Mew] }Hello, a ... Ditto.{

[Man] No --

[cut to John Cleese at a desk, wearing a Viking helmet, in the mountains]

[John] And more of the same.

[cut back to Mew, the Ditto, Jim, and everyone else]