h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Michelle nearly feignts when she enters room 007 and realizes that this room has been reserved for the LEGENDARY Uncle Heavy. She makes up the bed, and then she DOES feignt. When she comes to, she finishes up.

This room is predominantly yellow and with blue moulding and bedsheets. Very heroic looking. The painting over the bed depicts a knight in armour with a broadsword in his hand. The bookshelf on one wall contains every book Ian Flemming ever wrote, the complete works of Agatha Christie, and various lest interesting works. The nightstand contains (surprise surprise) a copy of the Gideon's Bible. The writting desk is well equiped with stationary, envelopes, a quill pen, ink, and blotting paper. A door in the far corner leads to the bathroom Heavy shares with Lord Blackstone (AKA the Masque).*

Very nice

*A Dark figure enters Heavy's room (not through the door) carrying a map, a letter and a Broadsword. He holds onto the map but places the sword on the bed and the letter on top of it. the letter reads:

Uncle Heavy,
The Masque has been playing dumb. I know he's behind all the
murders. He thinks he can even play Minos for a fool. Well, don't you let him get away with it. Tonight, while he's sleeping, use this broadsword to hack him in half!

Signed,
A Friend

*The dark figure consults his map and manages to dissappear*

*Enters his room, whistling a jaunty jaunt. Walks to his bedside table, and notices the note and broadsword. Re-reads the note with dismay. Eats the note, before tucking the sword into his infinite pockets. (useful things, these). Sits on bed*

This post happens AFTER Uncle Heavy leaves


[Mew and an android of UH enter from the suitcase, which slid aside revealling a room filled with monitors and controls. Mew puts a note down.]


Uncle Heavy,

There is reason to believe your life is in danger. Red had powerfull allies. Use of this android and its accompanying remote control is your only hope. By pulling the "History of Nutmeg" book out of your bookshelf you'll find a secret room from which you can operate your android without being discovered.

--a Friend

[slightly different handwriting]
P.S. Take the book with you to prevent anyone else from pulling it out and finding out about this.


[Mew then sits the android down on the bed, and tapes the note over its face.]

[meant Bookcase, not Suitcase. Anyway, Mew then dematerializes]

*Enters room and spots the android. He curses, he doesn't want to leave yet, but he realises he must. He reads the message with growing apprehension. Once he has read it, he eats it, and crosses to the bookcase, where he pulls the leaver and enters. The case closes behind him, and his android starts to move*

[so, just to clarify things, UH is in a secret room behind the BOOKCASE, not the SUITCASE...]

[so, just to clarify things, UH is in a secret room behind the BOOKCASE, not the SUITCASE...]

*NYC sneaks into room 007 to see UH very deeply contemplating the paint scratches in the far corner. NYC mutters to himself...*

I've always wanted to do this...

*UH (or his android, or maybe he just has a thing for paint scratches) gets wind of another presence in the room just in time to catch a glimpse of a blurred wrench, which clocks him squarely on the side of his head. the wrench rings with a nice deep tone, and UH slumps to the floor*

hmmph. I thought it would've been harder than that.

*NYC slips the wrench into the pillow case and sneaks back out*

[android does not come with Adamantium(sic) Skeleton] (The real UH may continue his adventures here: http://www.h2g2.com/F57089?thread=87685 )

*the real UH watches NYC leave the room from a little hole in his wall, and lets out a stream of most unladylike invective.*