h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey come on my version has more umph then the one you guys accepted
CANADA (C-eh-N-eh D-eh) The Great White North, eh. A nation renowned for weather less hospitable than Siberia and the birth place of "eh", eh. Canada is a land where people are not ashamed to gives town names like Moose Jaw, Uranium City, Elbow, Eyebrow, Vulcan, and Dildo, eh. Oh, Canada a land where Beavers commands respect, eh. Most inhabitants of Canada engage in an unusual rite of passage called 'Hockey'. Hockey for those of you unfamiliar with the game is a bastardised full-contact version of curling. The stone is replaced with a small object similar in size and colour to a cow patty (or prairie cookie using a Canadian term) which is called the puck, eh. This Shakespearean fairy is bashed about with an upside down canes until it is netted behind a masked man, not unlike the treatment given to freshman school boys in Britain, eh. Through this sport Canadians learn to emulate their British and European forefathers by loosing some teeth, eh. As most Canadian youth are weeded out by the North's harsh weather and vacant plains of emptiness those that survive are considered to be the politest people in the world, eh. This politeness my also have arisen due to their closest neighbour being the worlds largest military might and their neighbour's foe being at the opposite end, eh. Canada is also the home of the Mounties, unfortunately I can not speak of them here as the all royalties to them have been sold to Disney, eh.

Canada is a nation divided into four distinct societies.
1.On the extreme east is Canada's newest region the Maritimes. The Maritimes was slowly brought into the Canadian fold with a steady supply of whisky. The last eastern province to join was Newfoundland 'home of the newfies" in 1967. To win this land Canada unveiled a secret weapon known as 'the Scotch and Soda' coupled with unemployment insurance and provincial transfer payments it was too tempting to resist. Maritimers are primarily of Irish decent and are known throughout Canada for being good fiddlers, inbred, and not of swift wit. It is often said in Canada that you can always pick out the maritimer on an offshore oilrig because he is the one throwing breadcrumbs to the helicopters.
2. Next is Quebec the land of the Francophones. Canadians who hate Canadians populate this region. They have fought for separation ever since they have been a part of Canada. Unfortunately they realise that separation would only lead to amalgamation by the USA, so they simply bicker and wish to surround themselves with a wall and live an existentialist life not unlike the people of Cricket. For a short while they violently protested against their Canadian masters and formed a militia called the FLQ, funny enough that is almost phonetically the response they received from Prime Minister Trudeau.
3. In the centre of Canada are The Prairies. Which could easily be summed up by the word 'flat'. The Prairies have been traditionally known as a communist hot bed and shares its closest ties with Siberia. Here the CCF and the NDP got their starts. They are also the only region to have hung their founding father, but not until they institutionalised him awhile. If you have ever been to the Prairies you would have considered their actions entirely just. Not long ago the elected a conservative cabinet and to this date arrested 12 of them.
4. Western Canada is the least interesting region and the most picturesque. Here the population is the most similar to those of the USA, especially those in California. On of the West's claims to fame is backing the Reform party. The Reform party is a quasi-fascist organisation led by a MR. Dress-up look alike. Another claim to fame of theirs is an almost legalisation of marijuana. Please note that these two incidences are not mutually exclusive occurrences.

Researcher's note: With all this going for Canada I happily consider Canada the greatest Country in the world. After all where else can a political party named the Drunken Anarchist Society have a fight chance for election.

And remember Vote for D.A.S. and we'll give you the Pint you paid for.
And if you can mark an 'x' we're the party for you.

and please take a gander at my other entries... your indebted reasercher

I expect yours was further down the queue than the current entry, and hasn't been processed yet (I don't know for sure, being at home). If we decide we like yours better when we come to it, we may use yours to replace the existing entry, or merge them into one.

To emphasise: the Guide is not static - if you don't like something, re-write it or make suggestions.

Tim

How concerned are you with actual facts, Tim? To wit: Newfoundland joined Confederation in 1949, while the rest of the Maritimes were among the first provinces in Canada; Ontario doesn't appear to exist here (not entirely a bad thing); as well, BC is must more interesting than one might be led to believe.

I'm just curious if it's a big concern to do research, or how that is being set up.

It all depends really. If someone is being witty, then you can usually deduce that they're saying something that isn't true, or shouldn't be trusted (see entry on Australia - for example, I don't necessarily believe that Wombats can kill you in the manner described). However if information is being imparted that you would think is true, and it's not, then we'd like to be corrected.

Basically, if the person who wrote the entry believed the statement to be true, but it isn't, then we'd like it corrected. That's a fairly good guideline.

Tim

What are you talking about Ontario is the best province in Canada and since Canada is the best country in the world. Therefore I think it is safe to say that Ontario is the best place in the world and if you say any different I will slap you on the head with my pet Beaver fluffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is no time for that now some thing afowl is a foot....qucik fool the link above to my user page ....at
http://www.h2g2.com/U34456

for Gods' sake while we swable a lamp has been unplugged...