h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

once again we look in on Anakin and Obi-Wan where when we left them they were watching a lizard float in mid air. "Kool Beaners" Obi-Wan, can we do that again?? for a moment Obi-Wan was speakless, pondering in his mind the odds that maybe they were wrong, that maybe this young boy was not the one, not the one that their futures depended on, maybe there had been a mistake. After regaining his ability to speak he looked at Anakin and said, "NO!, we cannot do that again!" "Anakin you must learn to control your emotions, not let your emotions control you." "this is the only way that you can become a true Jedi Night." looking like he had just lost his best friend Anakin looked at Obi-Wan and said, "But Obi, it was just so neat lookin and i never get to have any fun, always move this, slice that, jump that, i can't take it!"kicking the sand with his shoes he looks at Obi-Wan and says, "i want to have some fun!, is that too much to ask? just a little fun now and then." Obi-Wan looked at the boy and thought,"such a small child this is, it will take a lot of patience to train him for he will be rebelious." then speaking he said, "Anakin, the first thing you must learn is, my name is Obi-Wan not Obi!", "now let's get back to work before it gets dark."..............

The lizard wasn't at all troubled by it's current situation. Infact it didn't think there was anything strange about being suspended inches from the dry, dusty surface of the planet at all. This was not, as you might have been inclined to believe, any reflection on the dry, dusty nature of the planet's surface. No, it had rather more to do with the fact that dead lizards, not given to extended periods of coherent neural activity, don't, generally, think at all and are alot more at home with a simple decomposition, thankyou very much.

Gravity, however, was more than a little perturbed. Infact, not to put too fine a point on it, it was mightily pissed off. You slave away for, well let's face it, the age of the universe painstakingly ensuring that stars swoop gracefully about their galactic epicentres, planets soar in glorious elliptical beauty around their parent suns and comets and meteors dance their dance of sheer dizzying, geometric joy in between. Paramount though, is the meticulos care with which you ensure that everything has it's rightful place. That everything on the list of "ground based things" remains a "ground based thing" - that lizards (pah) with legs (pah) remain attached to the ground where they belong. As if it wasn't bad enough that Newton guy getting all the credit!

Softly, silently, barely perceptibly, the ground shuddered. The lizard fell. Gravity smiled.

Meanwhile, back on Naboo, Amidala and Panaka finally reached their destination. Climbing down from her mount, Amidala walked along the footpath towards the small cottage located near the edge of the small lake, as Panaka digged through the pockets of the two dead guides slumped over their horses.

"Damn...isn't that my luck that we hire poor guides all the time," the Captain mumbled to himself. "You'd think at least one of these guys would have enough change on them to..."

Panaka suddenly went quiet as he found what he was looking for - a small round object, located within the fur lining of the lead guide's jacket pocket. Glancing around to make sure Amidala wasn't watching, he quickly popped it into his mouth.


As Amidala neared the cottage, she spied out of the corner of her eye the two giant eyeballs, that had been following them for most of the day, hiding behind the fence that led away from the cottage to the lake. But as she turned towards the spot where she thought they had been there was nothing. Before she could dwell on this, she heard a loud crash come from inside the cottage. Then an angry voice, "Idiot you are!"

Amidala smiled as she recognized Master Yoda's shrill voice. "The fifth glass today be broken! Ridiculous that is! F*****g moron is what you be! Out! Out!"

Suddenly a familiar figure flew out of the window, hitting his head on the pink flamingo standing near the gate, causing it to run off at a limping gait.

"Jar Jar!" Amidala exclaimed as she ran over and helped the Gungan to his feet. "What are you doing here? Masters Yoda and Mace Windu said nothing about you being here."

"Ohhhh....your Highness...." Jar jar rubbed the side of his forehead where a large knot was just starting to form. "Meesa not doing very well."

"Awww...what is it...?" Amidala started to ask when the door of the cottage opened, revealing Yoda and Mace Windu standing in the doorway, glaring at Amidala and Jar Jar.

"Ya....you guessed it, your Highness," Jar Jar nodded his head as Amidala looked at him questioningly. "Weesa in deep s**t."

suddenly queen amidala started shagging a wall