h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Still not writing, even though I set aside the entire weekend to do it. Tried this morning, but can't get it going. Find that I'm stuck in "Corporate Barbieland," attention focused on work and my company and the things I need to do this week. Which involves writing also...just not writing on my book. I think I've just got too much on my mind to do what I need to do to knuckle down and work on the book. And work is a bird in hand moneywise, while the book is an extreme longshot. Sure, it's a labor of love, but I'm not completely starry-eyed about it.

Two things need to go on: One, understand that I would regret it if I abandoned the book, and two, forgive myself for not attending to it just now. The guilt s**t isn't going to make my fingers work on the keyboard any sooner, and it's a waste of energy.

Back to work.

Hi Brandy,

There was an entry from Doubledad also about work and now yours. Seems a common theme at the moment. I feel pretty much the same, trapped, undecided, no direction known, as Bob Dylan sang.

Hang on in there with the book - wish I could write. Actually, wish I could do lots of things.

I was talking with some friend this week about the phenomena (well, to me) of women and mystery books, trying to understand the attraction, why so many women seem to read mystery books, especially ones written by other women.

I just can't get into it, but maybe that's because I'm a man? Don't know.

Anyway, hang on in there in the corporate wasteland.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. It gets so damn frustrating, then the frustration takes on a life of its own and creates even more barriers!

Is it terrible to say that it's nice to hear someone else share their own feelings of being undecided, unsure? I've kind of bitten off a big chunk of life and I'm finding that things are getting complicated. I wish I could see into the future and know that the payoff will be worth all the work...sounds like a line from a song.

Yes, women are the largest market for mystery books, which is one of the reasons I chose that particular genre. I've always like the puzzle part of a murder mystery, though I admit that I invariably turn the end to find out who dunnit when I'm about halfway through the book, then spend the rest of the read studying how the author builds the clues.

It's interesting, though, since I started writing the book, I find that I can't read fiction! Don't know why...I just can't get into any of the books I've tried to read. Now when I want to read something, I've had to resort to nonfiction, and lately it's been mostly business stuff.

Anyway, I'm hangin' in...thanks again for the post. It's nice to get mail!

I CAN'T believe that you turn to the end..... That's something I've never been able to do! Shame on you.

No, it's not terrible at all. Sometimes, it's good to know that other people are feeling similar things. And, of course, sometimes we just need someone to moan to/at/with. Sometimes helps if that person is a stranger, doesn't know the circumstances then s/he can't be judgemental and, equally importantly, only gets your side of the story, so can't be TOO objective. Sorry, hope that makes any sort of sense.

I've always found it really difficult reading business books. I just feel that life is too short, then realise that I spend a lot of my time reading junk. I go through the occasional spell of reading science fiction (a male thing, I think, though my favourite authors are women), then get into other things.

Then I think it's all a waste and I should be DOING something, if you know what I mean. Aaarrgghh. Indecision!

Any progress on the book? Hope things are improving a bit.

Adios.

Uh oh...we could be turning into cyberpenpals! In which case I may unload a whole bunch of stuff from my life onto you, if you're willing. Being a guy would help...the XY viewpoint and all. Also, NOT being American would definitely help--different cultural reference point. And like you said, being a stranger is good, because I will cop to things that I won't tell acquaintances (fear of judgement, retribution, and gossip)--and, yes, you only get my side, which is to my benefit. Though I do try to be fair in presenting information...

First things first...no more progress on book this week, mainly because I've been steeped in work. And I've been enjoying it, so it's no hardship. As I wrote in my journal entry, I am trying to lighten up about it, understand that because I've reinserted myself into work, the book is going to take longer to get done, and feeling guilty about it won't help. I'm going to take a crack at it this weekend and see what I can get done.

I used to read a lot of science fiction...my favorite authors were men, though. Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Frank Herbert. Over into the fantasy realm, I discovered Tolkien when I was 14 and fell in love with the Lord of the Rings...until it took on cultlike status at which point I backed off. (Am I dating myself? No biggie...I'm 45, due to be 46 this November, and getting younger and younger as the years go by! One of my work colleagues says I have an "earth mother" air, which I find funny, because I don't wear Indian gauzes and bangly earrings---mostly tailored suits and small gold hoops. Though my hair is almost waist-length and natural (which means salt and pepper,becoming mostly salt), so maybe that's where the impression resides.)

The big issues in front of me at the moment are pretty life-transforming. The resurrection of my work has brought up some interesting challenges to my lifestyle: my husband and I were due to take off on our sailboat for an open-ended world cruise this fall, and I find that I want to keep working AND take off on the boat. I can go into more detail if you would like.

I have eschewed monogamy--very much in love with my husband, but not interested in something so unnatural as only one lover for the rest of my whole life. Problem is that he is steeped in monogamy, very devoted to the relationship (as am I, don't get me wrong), and as much as I would like to come clean with my polyamory (I do not consider it infidelity, nor am I promiscuous), I can't bring myself to test him to that degree. No one I can talk to about it, since cultural norms don't really allow women (or men either I suppose) the freedom to responsibly conduct multiple intimate relationships without affixing them with nasty labels. So there we are.

And the resurrection of my work is a big surprise. Never ever considered myself a corporate person, was only working here to save enough money to sail away, and now I find I'm enjoying myself. Had been self-employed for 15+ years before joining the company 5 years ago, and never expected to actually WANT to continue working here! Also more detail about that if you want.

Ha! How about all that? Now a question: what work were you doing in Madrid? And what have you decided to do? Are you going back to Ireland?

Hi there.

I've just spent a couple of hours trying to put together a CV and, man, is it boring! All that I read says that I must be clear, inspirational, outstanding....and I'm struggling to be any of that.

This writing is no fun!

It's not that I have any specific idea of applying for a new job. It's just that I think getting my CV in order is a good idea, it will be ready for as and when I finally decide to do something with my life. Hmm, that could be a while, yet.

What I'm trying to do is to get a bit fitter, get off my backside, stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself. So, I've been going to the gym (and THAT is boring, too - maybe I could work on my CV while I'm on the treadmill!) That plus 'middle' age starting to kick in, with the odd ache and pain - I'm just gone 45.

So, I've quit the CV for a while, having convinced myself that a break will do me good.

Having said that I can't cope with business books three of them arrived for me late last week. I have to confess that I have looked at them, each once, and have promised myself that I will definitely look at them again, later today. (Today is a holiday in England.)

It is SO easy to put things off, isn't it? I can come up with a million excuses not to do something that I don't want to do. Easily.

Your big issues sure are BIG issues (and, no, I don't mind you telling me about them.)

Your lifestyle sounds very interesting and I'd love to hear more about it. But sailing off into the sunset alone with your husband when you're feeling the way you do about monogamy sounds like a tricky business, to put it mildly. If he is steeped in monogamy, as you say he is, then I'm not sure that he's going to stand much testing. Or any at all.

And, I know exactly what you mean about not being able to discuss this sort of thing with other people.

When I broke up with my wife a few years ago it was not to move in with someone else but it was because I didn't know what I wanted but sort of felt/knew that that wasn't it. Though she is a great person, I love her very much, and still sometimes see her (not a good idea, though, for lots of reasons). But there was no one I could talk to about this, because it made no sense to anyone, that I would do this because I felt a certain way. Had it been another woman everyone (including my wife) would have been able to understand.

Any idea what's caused the change in your attitude towards the work? Has it suddenly become more meaningful in some way? I'm guessing it's not a motivation thing because you must have been pretty motivated if you've been self-employed for all that time before. Let me know, if you feel up to it.

As for me. Madrid was setting up a project to implement a group template of the ERP that we use, SAP. I went in to get things organised, get the team up and running and it was mooted that I would stay on to the end of the project. I decided after a few months that this would NOT be a good idea.

It was clear to me that the local management did not want me around because, I suspect, I was a senior guy coming in from HQ and they thought that I was trying to run/take over the project. Nothing could have been further from the truth because we really took a backseat role in this one, but there is a certain, very rigid, control mentality in the company in Spain (which I am not generalising to all of Spain, because I don't know and suspect not). It was obvious that I was not wanted, so I told my boss I wanted out.

She and I discussed it and here I am, back in the UK.

Madrid, itself, though, is a great city and I really enjoyed that part of the experience. A very pleasant café/bar/restaurant society, great weather (I left before it got REALLY hot, up in the 40s [sorry, don't know what that is in F.]), very cheap, lots to see and do and easy access to football (soccer to you).

As for decisions about my life - don't be silly!

I've decided to get fit, I've decided to work on my CV. I've decided that I'll submit my CV to some agencies in Ireland. But I'm not sure that this is the sort of work I want to do anymore. Nor am I sure about Ireland.

I feel the complete opposite to you with regard to work. I really don't want to be doing it right now. Maybe I need a break, a holiday.

Actually, I've been looking to do that but nothing has inspired me (this is where I came in). I've a friend out in Bangkok who I've emailed to see if she would mind me visiting, otherwise I fancy some cross-country skiing, which I did many years ago and rally loved.

That's it for now. On with the CV.....

I don't suppose....that you would be willing to give me your email address so I could take my response off-line? I've started to write a bunch of stuff, then decided that it would be better to do it as an email. On a secure server, preferably, since I'm using the company network at the moment.

In the meantime, check out this article: http://www.fastcompany.com/online/15/getalife.html

Actually, if you search on "work life" on the magazine's website, there's some pretty cool articles. Might be fun and useful for you where you are at the moment.

Also...do you know about www.cluetrain.com? I love this site! These guys are really shaking things up. One of them, Christopher Locke, has a totally irreverant site at www.rageboy.com

Happy surfing!

Strangely, I woke up in the night, the other night, with exactly the same thought.

Get me at [email protected]

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you - I've been out the last couple of nights.....

Hope you are well and look forward to hearing from you.