h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I spent most of the early part of the day (9:00 am to 2:00 pm) at our school's Beautification Day. Guess what my group did! Scrubbed and polished the brass letters above the front door of our school. We laid on the roof, leaned over as far as we dared and then let those suckers have it with a brillo pad. You'd be amazed how long it takes to remove a year's worth of tarnish or whatever from a brass letter about a foot high. Anyway, it was a good day and I think I sweated off about five pounds lying in full view of the sun like that. I also found 4 dimes and upwards of 30 pennies there on the roof, most of which I used to make pay phone calls. I then proceded to go home, shower, and sleep for a couple of hours. My next priority was to write this journal entry. (Y'all know I couldn't let you go for more than a day without my humorous anecdotes! I love y'alls!) Anyway, ta-ta, I must be off to do things.

Hiya, just discovered your journals. They're cool. But I have one tiny question. Being an Englishman\boy\lad I always hear about American pennies. what are they, and what are they worth in America. We have them here but they do shite all?

Pennies are small copper coins worth one-hundredth of a dollar. For a penny, one can buy a tiny gumball. I haven't found anything else one can buy. Sometimes one will find a mechanized horse they can ride for about a minute for a penny. And I have a question too: is a quid the same as a pound? And what in the world are pence? Is "p" short for pence?

a quid, (or ten quid, (no plural)) is a pound
a penny here is also one hundreth of a pound. and yes pence is .p
you'll prob'ly hear five pound notes and ten pound notes as 'fivers'
and 'tenners' respectively. no word has been invented for twenty or fifty pound notes 'cus no one realy thinks they exist.

Yes, I have heard the term "fiver" and assumed it was five pounds. But another thing I'm confused on: are pence plural form of penny?

you would only use the word penny here if you were
A) old, or
B) a mother talking to children.
You only realy say penny when you talk about one on its own i.e. I've only got a penny, give me pitty. You say pence with more then one i.e. Ive got 42 pence, yippee!

Thank you so much for clearing up these monetary woes of mine!