h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just got back from Vancouver.

Yes, it was fun. There were a whole bunch of really neat things we did, and some not-so-neat (ex: my mother thinks that serene seaside trails are the perfect places to powerwalk. But not airports. Oh no. "We're not walking as a family," she whines. "Slow down.") But, if I were to write all of those things here, you would probably fall asleep before you actually got to an interesting bit. So, in the interest of sanity, I have chosen specific highlights of things that might amuse (or concern, if you have any shred of decency).

Here goes:

1) Packing.
My father travels a lot for work. He packs what he needs for a business conference (Good, because it's why he's actually in Vancouver).

My mother packs her entire closet. Bear in mind that this is a 4-day trip. Even though she changes clothes twice a day to justify bringing all those outfits, she still ends up with two entire outfits clean for the plane ride home. I am not exaggerating.

I pack all of my loudest shirts. This means black, gray, and one (crazy girl!!) lavender. We are, after all, going to the coast. Might as well look like a tourist.

2) Embarrassing Parents.
This is not just a teen thing. This is bad.

My mother tries to joke with the customs guy.
Agent: "Will you leave anything in Canada?"
Mother: "Not intentionally."
Me (Quickly): NO.

She does the same thing coming back. Fortunately, the nice girl there was patient enough to explain that "This is a security question" and ask again in different words. I fear for my life.

In between: My parents dress up to ride the ferry. Strange sense of deja vu from Keeping up Appearances, the one where they go yachting and Hyacinth makes Richard dress.. well.. My mother wore long navy blue shorts and one of the two navy striped shirts she brought. I kid you not. My father was wearing the normal black shorts and T-Shrit, but on Victoria Island, he bought a fleece vest (Gray) and-------a---------Greek-----------sailor captain's---------hat-------------both of which he insisted on wearing on the ferry ride back. I actually blushed. But at least we weren't drunk like some people.


3) French Moments.
A section I have included for those who took high school French.

The All-French News Station, especially commercials. "Voici la visage de "Dysfuction Erectile"."

The Grapefruit juice bottle actually says, "Pamplemousse". This is my prize of the entire trip, because I once convinced my entire French I class that "Pamplemousse" meant something like, "Man who consistently wears frilly pink shirts and has seen 'Cats' more than once." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you're a high school freshman, it's funny.

My father bought me a grape soda because it said "Raisin" and he gave it to me saying that it was really weird that they have raisin-flavored soda and would I like to try it but don't blame him if it's really bad. I mean, raisin pop?

There is more, but I don't feel like actually writing it all down. And you've probably stopped reading by now anyway. So have a good summer.