h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

just check this over please, all, at
http://www.h2g2.com/A382646
thanx u lot.
HPoG

I haven't time to read this through fully, but it looks like it needs some work. There is a lot of "I am interested in" stuff in it. This will all have to go. Write it in the third person only.

There seem to be a number of sections which are unconnected. Try and get some unifying theme , write an introduction and put some structure on it.

Break up sections into paragraphs to make them more readable.

Sorry, but I agree with Gnomon.....

Much too disjointed, desparately needs an introduction and too many 'I's..............

The multicolourd headings do not help, either....

Try to get some historic flow into it as well, and then we will have another look

'G'

Better still, make this more than one article with a great deal more detail about each of the subjects.

Otherwise, comments as per previous (and 'The Meaning Of Life' entry): take out the 'I' references; remove the capitalisation and weird colours (which definitely don't work well on the Classic GOO and probably look too stark on the other); etc.

Yeah, I'd scrap the whole entry and start over with more detailed entries on each of the individual subjects. As this stands, you don't have enough detail about any of the items you're discussing.

Hmmm. Anyone think that a joint effort/university project on siege weaponry (or maybe, more broadly, 'siege warfare') would have good potential? I'm willing to have a crack on my own, but as the various components might be better off as individual entries under a blanket heading, a collaborative venture might be a better idea.

Anyone up for it or got any input on the subject?

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'The h2g2 Writing Workshop' to ' Old millitary tactics'.

This entry has already been edited via Peer Review...