h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

DON'T PANIC
Tiny bits of advice for life in the Universe.
By Agnes Microbe,
Hitchhiker's Guide Field Researcher 141498

Lint and its Virtues April 2001

The dictionary says:
The fluffy bits of fiber that result when friction comes into contact with many materials. To keep it simple, lets say clothes. The places it is found can be as diverse as the materials it comes from. Such as...

Belly button or navel lint, (we'll pretend this includes in this writing all varieties found on the human body).

Pocket lint and sock lint are closely related to dryer lint. Pocket lint will contain things that are not from clothing but carried in them. For instance gum, rust, ink, dried worms, sand, or that green crud that grows on old coppers.

Sock lint will include anything stepped in or found in a shoe, use your imagination...

And dryer lint, everyone knows what that is. But, I'll bet you didn't know that in the middle of the 20th century dryer lint was actually a status symbol. If there was lint on ones clothing it could be assumed that they could afford a dryer. This disappeared rather quickly however with the creation of Laundromats. So, by now you are wondering, "what is with all this postulation of lint?" I'll continue...

There is a new lint that we have to deal with here in the dawn of the third millennium. It will also probably be unheard of in a decade with the advancement of technology.

Mouse lint...

Through the continuous gyrations of the rubber coated steel ball in its base, the common computer mouse creates its own style of lint. And it is also comprised of every type of matter that comes into contact with the mousepad... Dandruff, (insert favorite beverage name here), sweat, candy fragments, or that tiny green thing you sneezed out a few minutes ago and haven't found yet. It all goes into the little hole in the mouse base for lint processing.

The remedy...
Remove the cover on the mouse's base and clean out the lint. Use a Q-tip dampened with alcohol or a blunt tweezers. Take care not to injure mousie's internal organs. Clean off the ball and put it back together while reciting this sacred mantra...


Mouse! Mouse!
I love you so much!
You sit on my desk,
And respond to my touch.
You make clicking noises,
When I press on you.
You never need feeding,
You don't even poo.



The latter poem isn't mine but I don't know who wrote it and if it's yours please please tell me and not the BBC.