h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I are man. Man good. Man want woman. Woman not take man if no wedding. Woman plan wedding since baby. Man say "What is wedding?" Man stay out of way. Woman happy. Man show up at wedding in tux. Woman happy. Man say "I do" when hit in ribs. Woman happy. Reception have beer. Man happy.

When planning a wedding, it's very important to remember the bridesmaid dresses. These creations come in a variety of colours such as: puce, indigo, safron, seafoam and baby pink. They are usually sewn out of the most uncomfortable material found on this planet (ie: organza, tulle and taffeta). The goal of these dresses is to make the bridesmaids look as dumpy and unattractive as possible in order to let the bride appear as the most desirable, most beautiful creature in this world. Please note that the satin shoes must be dyed the same colour as the dress.

My sister-in-law to be has picked some really beautiful bridesmaid dresses in pink, and I am one of her bridesmaids. But, unfortantly, I'll never get a chance to wear such a formal dress again.
For my wedding in October, I am having my bridesmaids wearing a black, ankle length skirt (that could be worn with anything), and a cute, black sweater set.
My fiancee knows how ugly I look, and I see no need for them to be tortured all day like I will be.