h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Despite what I said earlier about joke gifts, this Christmas wasn't too bad. My relatives all enjoyed what I got them, everyone had fun opening the presents, and I basically got what I asked for, and the things I didn't ask for I can make use of. I don't often enjoy Christmases, but this one was relatively enjoyable.

However, as soon as I got back to my house, I immediately started feeling depressed. Perhaps it was the letdown from being with people for 5 days and then being left alone with my idiot roommates. Or walking into the house and being slapped in the face with the smell of stale cigarettes and air freshener that really doesn't work. Or having to clean cigarette tar out of the air filter because my useless roommates, aside from just generating mass amounts of cigarette smoke, are afraid to touch the air filters.

My roommates for once noticed that I was annoyed, and asked what was wrong. I thought about telling them exactly what I thought of them and their living habits, and giving my 30 days notice that I'm leaving. That would really have felt good for a few minutes. But I held my tongue and continued scrubbing the filter plates.

How do you tell a smoker to stop smoking? Especially in his/her own house?

Oh...there are so many ways. Try the subtle approach...coughing fits every time they light up. Then a large sign pointing to the air filter saying *I DO NOT F**KING SMOKE - CLEAN THIS REGULARLY OR TAKE IT OUTSIDE. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SHARE YOUR CANCER*.

Then find a picture of a lung cancer patients erm, lungs. Blow it up to about a 6 foot poster, and make about 5 copies. Sneak into the roomates room(s); and tape it to their ceiling over their bed, one on the back of the door. One on the bathroom mirror. One on the fridge. One inside the fridge, and one on the TV.

When asked, state you couldn't give a f**k about their lungs, you are just sick of smelling like an ashtray and a dogs a**e.

That do? Then hand in the 30 day notice, and find somewhere else to live, if they won't compromise!

Perhaps, but I'm a great believer in the right for someone to do in their own house whatever they want to do. My roommates aren't just roommates, they own the house. I figure they have as much right to smoke in their own house as I have to live in a house which does not smell like a 50 year old bowling alley.

Oh, well, I'll mention something to them today about it, see how that goes. I do know that I can have them over a barrel if I want; without my rent check every month, they would be crushed under a giant mortgage payment that they can't afford to pay.

Yeh, but they also have a right, as landlords, to provide a clean and healthy enviroment. Surely you have the same tenancy rules as we have here? Smoking = pollution. They are endangering your health. They should at *least* clean the air filter regularly if they are responsible for the main usage of it...

I'd move out if I were you. Offer a mature ultimatum first though.

Smoking is absolutely foul I hate it...

Yes, smoking is foul. I wish there was a "smoking section" part of the country, so all smokers could go and smell bad together. Then there'd be no whining to them about how they're polluting the air, and us non-smokers would never have to deal with it again. The irony is that the amount my roommates spend on cigarettes every month is approximately the same as my rent payment. No wonder they're broke all the time.

Nasty-ness.

I mean...Christ. How stupid can anyone get? They might as well carve out their lungs, set them on fire and dance around the flaming mess with George Bush in a voodoo mask...

Well, they're both former druggies from San Francisco, so I suppose I should be grateful that smoking and drinking is *all* they do. The drinking I don't mind so much until the male roommate gets all touchy-feely. Then it becomes creepy.

Yeh, but people touching you up when you don't want them to is creepy anyway (beware, you sounded homophobic in that last post)...

Perhaps I did sound homophobic in that last. But it doesn't change the fact that I do not react well to having large drunken men try to bear hug me.

Neither do I

The one time he tried it, I knocked him over trying to get away. And that same night he tried to hug a complete stranger, who happened to hold a black belt in Tae Kwan Do. If that guy had reacted like I did, he would have broken the roommate's arms.

People should learn to respect other people's personal spaces. Sometimes it is OK to hug. Other times it's not.

Yes, and I keep my personal distance from people, unless they happen to be beautiful (or even mildly good-looking) women.

*ahem* Just as bad then, aren't you!

Except I'm not usually drunk when I do that. And I'm wary of knees and elbows flying at me.

No, I acually keep my distance from everyone. It's rare that I let someone into my 1-meter zone, except in crowded areas such as buses and *very* crowded bars.

Knees and elbows. The pitfall of the thin person.