h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, so I'm working all the hours available doing a final year project, which I've just worked out, is worth the same amount of one of my first year exams... Gulp!

I thought it might be a good idea to let those of you out there who care at all, about whats happening with DD and I. Yes, we are still together and still love one another, but thats about all that is between us at the moment. Let me explain...

DD has just written that wonderful article on a lovely little village in Lanarkshire. Didn't it sound romantic? Didn't it sound just the sort of place that most people would love to live in? Well, we wont be the lucky people who move in there. No. The lovely little house, that Stephen and I were looking so forward to moving into, with the lovely people, and the cute dogs, and the woman next door with the kitten - not us. Why? Unfortunately DD lost his job, and although that was his mistake, I dont blame him for it. We obviously weren't the right people for the house. Houses do that sort of thing, my family have seen it happen lots of times. It's just so disappointing for both of us, and on top of the rest of the rubbish that we get to call life, it was one of the things that we were dearly looking forward to.

So what else isnt rosy? Unfortunately, that doesnt require too much thought to it.

Stephen and I are not getting married on the 15th of December, and not ever I'm sure if my mother has her own way. I dont know if you've seen the post in the Stag-do (but then, if you're reading this, you probably will have) but it was put down to his sister-in-law having a baby, which although is partly true (both of us dearly wanted to have Daphne and Johnathon there, but they would be in Cambridge), and doing up our house (which is no longer an issue) is not really the main reasons. My father's contract ended and it became clear that there was not enough money to put into the wedding, which is secondary. The main reason, is that I was told, many months ago, that my father would not walk me down the isle, which in my eyes, was tantamount to me being disowned from the family. Although this wasnt raised in later discussion about the wedding, it is in my eyes the main reason why I could not marry Stephen in December. Stephen, I love you dearly. But unfortunately, something like that was too much for me. If in 6 months, once I graduate (the time my family has sort of said I'm old enough to make a decision to marry) and they are still in the same frame of mind, I will not hesitate. I love you too much.

The reason why my parents are so against my marriage? Two-fold. The first is that they feel I am too young to make such a commitment at such a young age (21). The second, which is by far the more important, is that they disapprove of my choice of husband, feeling that there is someone far more suitable out there for me. I just wish they would take into account my feelings at times.

So, where does that leave things? DD has just this week found another job, though both he and I appreciate that it is far from ideal, and is just keeping the money flowing. My parents (well, my mother at any rate, and my father too at times) detest Stephen. And I'm in London, far away, hearing about what is happening too far away to do anything about. I'm desperate to move into a place of our own. I feel it will lessen tensions, and will give Stephen and I time and space to discover each other, and how we will work, something which is severly lacking in the current situation.

I dont know quite what to do. I'm unfortunately tied to both my lover, companion, best-friend, soul-mate, and the people who gave me life. How many other people must be in a similar situation, where friends and families disapprove of relationships? And how is the situation resolved? I once saw a chat-show talking about just this, and all of them gave up the relationship, listening to the people who 'knew them best'. Should I do that? Inside of me is screaming not to, but the tensions are slowly gaining by the day. They say all love is tested. I think Stephen and I have had enough for 10 relationships.



So, do I post this, or dont I? I hope you dont mind Stephen. I feel that this should be up for a few reasons:
1. I need some sanity, and it really did help putting this into words.
2. I could really do with some advice, especially from those who know us both.
3. I thought people should know what is really happening.

I love Stephen so much. I think anyone who has seen us together (or even some of those old photos) will be able to appreciate that. So any advice for me, cos I sure as hell could use it. Thanks for listening, and even possibly managing to get to the end of this thread. I suppose I'd best say that I've been on for a while as Someone New....ish (u186096 I think) for those of you who had spotted me, so just to let you know, I'll be staying as her for a little while yet. Its nice having someone new to play around with.

PS - Sorry for any typos, I've not checked, and I have had tears in my eyes as I wrote this.

For Stephen:

Darling, I love you so much. I would never, ever do anything to deliberately hurt you, and I know you wouldnt do that to me either. I'm sorry if this journal entry has hurt you, but I needed to write down my feelings, they were getting too much for me. I hope you still love me...

Honey bunny. Thank you for letting us all know. I am sure that Stephen will not be hurt by this. Your love for each other is too strong.
And if he goes in a strop tell him I'll be seeing him in a couple of weeks, and we can step out side then and chat about it at length, in the normal method.
All I want to say is we love you both dearly.
From one who was there at the beginning.

Thanks so much honey

As I said when I saw you, I'm so sorry that your house fell through honey. And I'm sorry that your plans have had to be put aside for a while.

Having never been in this situation I haven't got any advice for you, but I'd suggest that you sit and think about who you need more. Parents that think they can make you fit their view of you, and have you lead the life they want for you, or the man that would do anything for you. Even living with people that you say detest him.

I can't imagine having to choose between parents and a lover, and I don't envy you, but I'm here for you when ever you need me, and if you and Stephen need some time away from everything, you are both welcome to spend some time with me.

Hi FC.

*dries your tears*

Let an older, wiser woman {also a parent} say a few words.

I can understand your parents concerns, but they don't know DD like you do.
You know your own heart.
Parents often try to manipulate situations to suit themselves, instead of taking their child's feelings into account {you are still their *child* and you will always be}. Be proud of this, but you have to be firm and tell them that this is the man you love and you ARE going to spend the rest of your life with him, whether they approve or not.
Yes, their feelings will be hurt.
But they will get over it.
They will not take the chance of losing a daughter such as you.
The choice is theirs, to accept Stephen or lose you.
Should they choose the other way and lose you both, they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces!
I can't imagine that it's Stephen they dislike so much.
It's what he represents...that they dislike.
They haven't given him a chance....

I've seen you together and I know you belong together.

Yes, love is tested, sometimes until you can feel the tears...but the rewards are great.
If you have each other, you have everything.

I'm sorry you didn't get the house.
The timing was not right, believe me.
Trust that when the time is right, everything will fall into place.
Until then, hold onto your love and keep it safe.
Tender it, watch it grow.
Show your parents how happy you are.

Much love to you both.

~GB~

*waves to B-17*

*waves to Mina too*

Sorry babe, you posted while I was still typing & I didn't see you there.

I did tell you I was posting.

you have to do what your heart tells you is right...I am a parent and a daughter...,my parents have never approved of my lifestyle or my friends/relationships ...but after many years they accepted this was my life and if they wanted to see me and my daughter they would have to swallow their feelings. I think once you are settled with your partner they will come around to things...especially if you eventually have children.
You know no one is good enough for your child....you could be marrying a prince and parents would find fault!
It is hard for parents to accept their children have grown up and need to lead their own lives..(.it makes you feel old for a start). I think you have to put yourself first and think about what you want to do with your life and where your happiness lies...your parents won't always be there so you need to make some choices for yourself.
I hope and pray things work out for you...but somehow I'm sure you will make the right decision for yourself.

*hugs*

Thanks so much guys. It had just been the end of a pretty awful day, and the upshot of it was that posting. Im glad you all know whats happening, and I'm so glad that your advice is as it is! Its hard to keep your mind focused at times, especially when you have parents like mine!

As I said before, it'll sort itself all out when we move out, I'm sure. Because there is no way I'm going to give up Stephen and as you say, they will have to come to terms with that. I just hope it sorts itself out when the time comes!

Ah well, have to run off to uni. But thanks a lot for your kind words, they are very uplifting for me. Talk soon

Gulp!!!

Even I learnt something I didn't know from FC's first post here.

Lyndsey you know how much I love you. And I asked you to marry me because I'd finally found someone I could say that to and knew that t would last until death parted us. I never knew quita how much all of this was tearing you up, although I knew it was to some extent. having only just discovered this here I'm in a little bit of shock. No wonder you wanted me out of that situation so badly. And now we do have our own little place no matter how far from ideal it is our space to be US!

Last weekend when you walked out holding unto just your toothbrush from your parents was a sign to them that you considered yourselve ready to make the committment even if they weren't ready to accept it. I'm glad your Scottish toothbrush resides next to mine nad my London one resides beside yours. It is a sign that we are together no matter what.

I love you today, I love you tomorrow, it does me the greatest honour to wear your ring and for you to wear mine.

Well. Mum is no longer talking to me, doesnt want to see me, and goodness knows whats going to happen at Christmas, a time which should be joyful. And yes, the argument was over the other half.

I've never felt so hurt as I do just now. I wish I knew why it was happening to me, what awful thing I have done to deserve treatment like this. My housemates keep reminding me that things will be ok, but I just cant see it happening. Mum is a stubborn as I am, and I know that what she says is the way it ends up, even if it was just as much her fault as Steve's... well, slightly less. I hate life. Its 2am, I cant sleep properly, and havent been doing so for days, and I just want to run away from all the world to a place where no-one can hurt me any more. I dread to think what tomorrow will bring. Calls from Dad saying how I shouldn't have acted that way, but there was no other way for me to react. Mum was shouting, and I said that she was being ridiculous. Then she said that she might talk to me at Christmas. Not a chance. And we both know it.

I've never hurt so much inside before. I thought it was bad while they were living together, and now this has happened. Well, I've stood by my man. As they say, I've made my bed. I just hope that its worth the price of my family, the only people I've ever really felt totally close to. I mean, no-one has known me longer, and now there is a real chance that they never will again. I cant believe how much it hurts inside... What have I done to deserve this? Am I an intrisically evil person????

Life goes on. I never thought someone I love so much could hurt me so much. I just hope I make it through in one piece.

Well. Mum is no longer talking to me, doesnt want to see me, and goodness knows whats going to happen at Christmas, a time which should be joyful. And yes, the argument was over the other half.

I've never felt so hurt as I do just now. I wish I knew why it was happening to me, what awful thing I have done to deserve treatment like this. My housemates keep reminding me that things will be ok, but I just cant see it happening. Mum is a stubborn as I am, and I know that what she says is the way it ends up, even if it was just as much her fault as Steve's... well, slightly less. I hate life. Its 2am, I cant sleep properly, and havent been doing so for days, and I just want to run away from all the world to a place where no-one can hurt me any more. I dread to think what tomorrow will bring. Calls from Dad saying how I shouldn't have acted that way, but there was no other way for me to react. Mum was shouting, and I said that she was being ridiculous. Then she said that she might talk to me at Christmas. Not a chance. And we both know it.

I've never hurt so much inside before. I thought it was bad while they were living together, and now this has happened. Well, I've stood by my man. As they say, I've made my bed. I just hope that its worth the price of my family, the only people I've ever really felt totally close to. I mean, no-one has known me longer, and now there is a real chance that they never will again. I cant believe how much it hurts inside... What have I done to deserve this? Am I an intrisically evil person????

Life goes on. I never thought someone I love so much could hurt me so much. I just hope I make it through in one piece.

Well. Mum is no longer talking to me, doesnt want to see me, and goodness knows whats going to happen at Christmas, a time which should be joyful. And yes, the argument was over the other half.

I've never felt so hurt as I do just now. I wish I knew why it was happening to me, what awful thing I have done to deserve treatment like this. My housemates keep reminding me that things will be ok, but I just cant see it happening. Mum is a stubborn as I am, and I know that what she says is the way it ends up, even if it was just as much her fault as Steve's... well, slightly less. I hate life. Its 2am, I cant sleep properly, and havent been doing so for days, and I just want to run away from all the world to a place where no-one can hurt me any more. I dread to think what tomorrow will bring. Calls from Dad saying how I shouldn't have acted that way, but there was no other way for me to react. Mum was shouting, and I said that she was being ridiculous. Then she said that she might talk to me at Christmas. Not a chance. And we both know it.

I've never hurt so much inside before. I thought it was bad while they were living together, and now this has happened. Well, I've stood by my man. As they say, I've made my bed. I just hope that its worth the price of my family, the only people I've ever really felt totally close to. I mean, no-one has known me longer, and now there is a real chance that they never will again. I cant believe how much it hurts inside... What have I done to deserve this? Am I an intrisically evil person????

Life goes on. I never thought someone I love so much could hurt me so much. I just hope I make it through in one piece.

And you got that in triplicate you lovely people! (laughing through tears )

I'm sorry that things are not going right for you still.
Parents do know you longest, but that doesn't mean they understand you best.
I'm proud of you for standing by your man, and although it's hard, time does make things better.
If it's any help (probably not) if you are worried about xmas, you are welcome to come here with DD and stay a while.

If it helps, I'll be spending Christmas alone.
Count your blessings honey.

Why don't you come as well AGB?
I'm having family round for the first tiem ever for xmas day, so I migh t need all the help I can get!
If you two don't mind a bit of a squash at the dinner table of course.

hey girl who you gonna spend the rest of your life with DD or your parents? You know the answer. my sister hasn't spoken to my mum for years and years but she is happy and we always keep in touch. If you can't bear it at christmas..send mum a card with a letter in saying how you feel. Even if she doesn't reply ..you will feel better because you have got it off your chest. It'll be ok ..honest..life is too short to be unhappy...embrace what you have and be glad for it ..there are alot of people out there at Christmas who have no family,no lover, no home.you are lucky you have all three, even if things are a bit fraught right now.

Well, this morning I was late in getting up, so caught a cab to get to uni on time. In that cab I heard that George Harrison passed away during the night. He was my mum's fav beatle, and I knew she wouldnt have heard. So I called her and told her... she burst into tears, and either dropped the phone, or hung up, though it was more likely to be the latter. My lecturer walked past me, so I hung up and left for lectures. Now I'm just waiting to see what the result brings. At least I feel as though I've made an attempt to patch it up.

Just thought I'd let you all know Thanks everyone.