h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello kensington. I just thought I'd pop in and say hello and that I your typing is great - it's taken me 12 years to learn how to do it well. Keep it up!

Hello Kensington. I'm typing this for Boswell because he has yet to master the art of jumping up and down on the correct keys. Boswell says that you are a very corn syrupy* weevil to have your own call centre. He hopes that you get lots of exciting messages.
* Presumably this is weevilese for 'Jammy'. (-;

hi possum hi percy von wurzel thaks for visting my pag its not much but i lik to say hi to pepl im a frendli weevil
12 years thats a long tim to lern typin i hop it dosnt tak me that long to lern typing nick is helpin me
percy say helo to boswell for me i dont no wat jammy means corn sryupy means i am fun at partys i thinx
im getin eciting mesages now thers lots of humns her my typing is stil bad and taks me a long tim nick says it hurts him to red it but i wil get beter

Long time no chat, Kensington. Boswell says something incomprehensible because his mouth is full of digestive biscuit. He has been quite unable to learn to type. However hard he pings up and down on the keyboard, he is just not big enough to depress the keys. That, of course, is why he is now cramming hiimself with biscuits. Say hello to Nick for me. Bye.