h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

INTRODUCTION

Paris is a great city, but it's not in Slovenia. I was in Paris studying the language that they speak there, French, and our school had a one-week break from classes, which could be cunningly extended to two weeks if one only skipped several classes. Many other students decided to go on trips to places with beaches and sun, as it was actually Spring break. I wanted to go to Croatia, but that is not in Slovenia either.

I told my parents that I was going to Croatia and they threatned to cut me out of the will, because at the time, harmless and innocent people were being shot there. I decided Slovenia was close enough.

I wanted to find some travelling partners, so I asked around for people that would be interested in getting close to Croatia. Most weren't interested, and said they would rather go to places with less bullets and more beaches. I tried to tell them that Slovenia's reputation has tarnished by its proximity to Croatia, and that it was actually quite a safe place, in fact during the break away from Yugoslovia not a single drop of blood was shed, but most of them wouldn't listen. However, three women listened.

I am a man. The three that decided to go with me were women, or girls. Ordinarily, me being single and heterosexual, the others being mostly alive, that would have excited me. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it was one of single worst decisions of my entire life, to accept travelling with these three girls.

LJUBLIANA

We arrived first in Ljubliana, which is the capital of Slovenia. We arrived in the middle of the night and wandered around looking for a place to stay. It was next to impossible, because everything was either extremely expensive or extremely closed. The girls were starting to whine and express their fear of the night, travelling, men, bullets, and Slovenia. I sympathized, because none of them had any travelling experience. Myself, having travlelled before, realized that in general, if you are willing to sacrifice your money, possessions, and a great part of your intestines to the perils in backpacking around the world, you are going to be just fine. They hadn't learned these things yet, which (I thought) was OK. It wasn't.

First lesson to male travellers in Slovenia: do not arrive in Ljubliana in the middle of the night with three girls who haven't really been anywhere before. You will initially not mind it, but it will burden you with an overwhelming sense of guilt, responsability and moodiness. Female travellers: never go anywhere with me again, unless you are willing for me to be short-tempered.

I had heard that the best pizza in the entire world can be found in Ljubliana. That was the first priority in the morning, was to find Slovenian pizza. We found an excellent restaurant just off the river in the historic Three Bridges section of town. It's quite easy to find: just get three women, and walk around until one of them starts complaining about how they are hungry. That should take about 5 or 6 minutes. Er, they might not actually complain about being hungry, but they certainly will complain. Then go to the nearest pizza restaurant and look at the prices and discuss them in a huddle, and come to the comclusion that it is defineitely too expensive at THIS restaurant. Then spend about 2 hours looking for a cheaper place, with the perfect view, and the right ambiance, and the best-looking waiters. Then give up and sit down in a resataurant which is twice the price of the first one, and that shuold be the one were we ate that day.

I would like to inject a personal comment here: I do not believe that all women are like the ones that I am describing. Most women are funny, easy going, strong willed, lovely, stubborn, beautiful, spiteful, charming, and hungry. These three were merely individuals, who I believe in no way necessarily represent all other women. in fact, these women were great people, and still are. Truly, it was probably just my irratibility at not going to Croatia that blew all their foibles out of proportion.

FREEDOM

We walked around Ljubliana for quite awhile, taking in the sites, sampling the local cuisine, talking with the natives, and complaining. By the way, most of the people between 18 and 35 speak English, so if you already know that language, you are in luck. Otherwise you can learn Slovenian, which will enable you to communicate with the 3 million others who know it also.

Ljubliana is an interesting town, but after staying in an expensive hotel (we for reasons that I will not go into here did NOT stay in a hostel) for 2 days, I wanted to leave. Now we had arrived on a train and had been walking for 2 days straight. We had anticipated taking a train all over the country, or perhaps a bus. But one of us struck upon the idea of perhaps renting a car. If there is only one thing that you take away from this article, let it be this: when in Slovenia, RENT A CAR. The freedom of the open road in a country small enough to cross in an afternoon is thrilling, especilly to someone like me, whose country could barely be crossed by car in a week.

For those from out of planet, let me also note here another part about the car rental that was even more exciting. In most parts of the earth, there is a restirction on the age of someone who tried to rent a car. Ie, one has to be either A) above a certain age, usually 25 or B) exorbitantly rich. None of us were either A or B. But the rental agency didn't care if we even had driver's licenses, he only wanted a credit card. You don't have to be rich to get a credit card, only greedy and short-sighted, and since I had plenty of that to pass around, we got a car.

SKOFJA LOKA

BLED

KARST