h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Extracts from Auntie Flo
Current mood: chipper


If Auntie Flo had not existed then I'm sure no writer could ever have invented her: she gives credence to the saying that truth is stranger than fiction.....

It was in her sixties that Auntie Flo came into her own. She moved house from Southend lock stock and Uncle Len to the Midlands all because she'd been a walk on Cannock Chase Forest in her Betty Boo stilettos.....

She became an extreme knitter and the creator of colossal cardigans; like Madame Defarge at the guillotine she would knit one, purl one, drop one, whoops, taking out life's furies in her needles and embroidering her frustratations into her cardigans......

She was the sender of unusual presents, she sent my mother for her eigthieth birthday a doll that cried to be fed, the logic of this perplexed my mother for some time until she came to the conclusion that Auntie Flo does not suffer from logic....

Another time her present never arrived: she bought her a stone dog but decided it was too heavy to send by post so photographed and framed it and sent the picture instead....

Man has not yet solved the mysteries of the universe yet, or Auntie Flo.

oh I never told you of the time she chopped a wardrobe in half...

I shall definately have to have a little think about this one

Please don't think ladye seagull, rumour has it that thought can seriusly effect youR mental health. Auntie Flo has given it up and has set a new trend in human behaviour.

You mean 'go with the flow'.

Going with the flow is just fine till you go round the bend

Have you been reading my poetry?

No but I'd like to

The right people will read it one day.
The other lot have now lost the vote of the smokers as well

Please don't talk to me about the other lot; gone to pot and worse, it's enough to make any self respecting seagull puff