h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ring Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs helpful helpline for VAT queries and press button 1 for questions about Darling's VAT change wheeze and what helpful advice do you get? "Hang Up. Please Hang Up.", that's what! After the helpful advice to go read their help-full website (which did not help either in the summary bit or the Q and A bit or the extra Q and A bit or the specific VAT rate change bit or the last resort technical detail bit, (specifically paras 3.3.2, 10.2.1 and 13.3)), that is.

I did. Hang up, that is. With some emphasis, that was.

When they ring for their VAT return:
"Disconnect. DISCONNECT. DISCONNECT."

While I'm on a roll: Dear Darling, I exercised the choice you gave us (thanks) not to knock 4p off the price of staff sandwiches as you had requested, despite the much needed boost to consumer spending this would give the Nation's economy. No-one, neither staff nor dinner-money collectors want to muck around with 2p's every day. Sorry. Anyway, in the present collapsing climate I think we might all have put the 2p's in our piggy banks. They're triple A rated secure and very nearly competitive on interest rates.