h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yesterday I got another certificate to add to the collection! And again; !!

I am now certified in Training on the Action to be Taken in the Event of Fire on 7th November 2003. Unfortunately there wasn't a fire that day to make use of these newly acquired skills. Still, I now satisfy an interpretation of the theoretical (underlined) skills necessary for compliance with National Care Standards and it's always satisfying to satisfy something. Even 'an interpretation'.

I now understand;
the need for arson awareness. Oh yeah, that was the bit about watching everyone who comes in the place like a hawk. For all we know they may be severally arson convicted. Come to think of it, the photocopier repair man yesterday looked distinctly shifty...
the need to react to human senses. When you smell smoke scarper.
evacuation procedures. Scarper.
why fire fighting equipment is provided. For decoration; by the time you've found your glasses and read all the instructions to work out what to use where without inflaming the conflagration, permanently damaging your back or freeze burning your hands, you're toast. So forget it and scarper.

This certificate now joins the Cadbury Bros. Ltd. Merit Prize Certificate (for colouring in mainly), the Purley Pools Swimming Certificate 3 lengths (of a 5m pool), The Rhodesia Intstitute of Allied Arts incorporating the Salisbury Eisteddford Society 1st Grade Certificate for Literary Prose (whoohoo!) and the 3rd Prize Certificate for humerous photography (that's not difficult) from the Lancashire and Cheshire Federation of Scottish Societies' 2003 Festival of Music, Arts and Crafts.

reading this journal has just reminded me of a sign we had up in the kitchen at the snooker club:

IN CASE OF BOMB THREAT

1, Ask where it is?

2, Ask who planted it?

3, Ask when it will go off?

4, Ask what it is made of?

5, Ask for a reason?

*and in pencil under all these*

6, ing run!!

which reminds me of when a bomb threat was made by phone and the big chief fireman asked all the staff to go and check under their own cars in the car park!