h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The only reason you find spiders in the bath is that they fall in, and can't get out again. Contrary to popular belief, they do *not* come up through the plug-hole, so keeping the plug in will not keep the spiders out.

So, you need to give them an escape route - special 'spidder ladders' are available, which hang from the taps, or you could just lie a towel over the edge of the bath so that it reaches the bottom.

Another one solved

But then you'll have lots of spiders crawling around the bathroom...

I have seen cockroaches crawl out of plug holes and the overflow outlets though. So leaving the plug in doesn't help there either as they just find the other route.

Only as many spiders as you had crawling around the bathroom in the first place - none get in, none get out (unless they find that little hole in the ceiling!)

But before, they were in the bath so you knew where they were... once they get out of the bath, they could be anywhere!

So why does everyone seem to get so worked up when they actually find them in the bath, and know where they are, rather than when they *don't* find them in the bath, so *don't* know where they are?

Beats me... some people don't know when they're well off!

Hedgehogs, I hear, are rather partial to the odd spider-based snack. So you could always replace your loo brush with a hedgehog...

I found a nest of spider eggs actually lurking *inside* my loofah once. Horrible. This whole threat just goes to show how revoltingly unhygienic the entire h2g2 community is....

Ooops. That should be "thread", not "threat", obviously. Though come to think of it the latter might be just as appropriate.

So what should we be replacing other bathroom objects with? I mean, you've got to have something to keep all the fleas on the hedgehogs under control...

The fleas, of course, would be greedily devoured by the Toilet Duck.

Pardon me, I need to go and turn off the tap before the bison overflows.

Just watch out for the crocodiles in the bath!

According to that old song (made poplar by the inimitable Burl Ives years ago), the old lady used a frog to catch the spider… which she had previously used to catch the fly… you know… the one that 'wriggled and tickled inside her'.
Perhaps this would be the way to go.

First catch your frog!

However… one might pay close, and very careful, attention to the succeeding verses of the song in-point.
You may end up with a horse in your bath!

All things considered … I feel the spider could probably be the safest option, and at least it will keep the flys down.

You should, however, remember to keep your flies UP once you leave the bathroom. Otherwise people might talk.

And they'd certainly talk if you had spiders on your flies...

Rumours would circulate that you were an Insects Maniac.

Lets keep insects [incest] in the family.

Mmmm. Don't want to go catching any Love Bugs.

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Perhaps the spiders got in via the Web? In which case you could maybe try fitting your bath with a firewall.

Oh dear, I rather fear I'm starting to sound like a bit of an anoraknid..

If ever I came across an anorak that made sounds, and posted messages on the net, I'm sure that I would be as sufficiently bemused as to run like hell away from there… perhaps spiders would respond likewise.

Or maybe, by 'firewall', you are referring to a 'baptism by fire'!
But… hey! Even spiders may get religion… they are God's creatures after-all.

Is this where I should say…… "We apologise for the inconvenience".