h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi there, welcome to H2G2. Commiserations about the frisbee incident. I'm an ACE, by the way, that's an Assistant Community Editor. If you have any questions about H2G2, or about anything else for that matter, feel free to ask me.
You might find the ACE's page http://www.h2g2.com/A214796 interesting.
On the other hand, I suppose you might not. But there's only one way to tell, eh?

Thanks for the sympathy regarding the frisbee. I have come to the conclusion that the frisbees are in fact a race of malevolent beings bent on taking over the world (a not at all reactionary view), and will be writing an article shortly.

Hi welcome to the big happy family that is h2g2. Hmmm, frisbies. I think it could be an alien conspiracy, after all they keep turning up in photos of UFOs.

Perhaps they *are* UFOs. Indeed, I have seen many frisbees fly off into the distance and never be found again. I'm sure it's nothing to do with the fact that I give up looking too easily. They must have decided to return to their homeworld.
I think we ought to rely more on the instincts of dogs. They are far more reliable than we give them credit for. For example, whenever I play frisbee with my dog, she attacks it viciously. She must be protecting me.

You've got it all wrong! The frisbee attacks the dog! Have you not noticed that no matter how hard and in which direction you throw the frisbee, it always ends up in the dogs mouth?
These particular discs are part of a secret suicide squad (you try saying that), whose mission is twofold. They must either (A)kill all human pets by making them ingest frisbees, or (B)make all human pets comedically pitiful by lacerating their jowls to the extent that no human will accept them. Humans without pets will turn to the higher apes, whom they will train to perform menial tasks, to serve and even to speak... the consequences are much too disgusting to detial here but they involve Charlton Heston poncing around with no clothes on.

So, frisbees work for the Apes.

Hmm... that could be true... I suspect that badminton shuttlecocks have a similar task in mind, ie. to choke dogs.
Speaking of intelligent animals, I'm trying to decide whether to get a parrot or not. I want to get an African Grey parrot. It's a big decision to make; it'll probably live longer than I will. And it costs a lot.
Hmm.
Nah, I'll just spend the money on upgrading my computer.

Nah, get a Norwegian Blue, nail it to the perch, go to the pet shop, "This parrot is dead" etc. marvellous

Crashing on however, a parrot can be a big mistake if the parents ever visit, and it starts going "Oh sod it", "F*** that for a lark", or "Come on Flossy give it to me baa baa oh yeah".

Not that mine ever does.

True, true.

If I do get one, I'll try to teach it to say 'This is a dead parrot' and similar things. Oh and Goon Show quotes.
But yes, I'd have to train it carefully

You seriously want to spend time teaching a parrot to go "Bluebottle?" "Yes Eccles?" "What is it Bluebottle?" "What is it? What is it? Whaaaaaat is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit??????" "I've falen in der water!"

Good luck.

Of course I do! Can you think of anything better to do with my time?

Good response. Although I think that your attempts to train the parrot in the ways of Idle, Palin, Cleese et al should include some of their choicest songs. Obviously the Spam song, but also what about the Not Noel Coward Song (Isn't it awfully nice to have a...)?

Keep up the mediocre work.

Sorry Casanova you are wrong. Summer is 29th-30th April this year due to Easter being late. This, in turn, is due to there having been a Blue Moon in February following a sudden and totally unexpected 5 minute break in traffic congestion at the King Street roundabout. Enquiries by WPBC as to how this situation could have been allowed to occur has led to the detention of a parrot believed to be of foreign extraction and carrying a pink frisbee.

I'm afraid that you're confusing Zodiacal Summer with Sidereal Summer. I was using Sidereal Summer, which is basically the bit when it's sunny. Zodiacal Summer is that time when everyone SAYS it will be sunny.

Graham (ex-WPBC Youth Council - got too old) Lee.

I used to live in Wales and had to endure Welsh Summer.

Welsh summer is a fictional concept.

I thought Welsh summer was so obvious that even the farmyard animals could work it out. My Uncle is Welsh and he says that "it's a holiday in Wales when the sheep are in heat".

I guess you've seen my homepage then (www.grahamlee.co.uk). What did you think?

Me thinks this is all so funny... do you mind if me laughs at you???

I don't mind your laughing at me, do you mind my running a fist through your teeth?

Only joking, mind you. I'm glad that I can spread a little happiness throughout the world. Smile and make the world a batter plaice.

If I were you Greebo I would nick his plaice then place what cats do best in his frisbee!

You've just pointed out the error of my ways! Thanks very much! You see, I was going up to girls in the nightclubs, doing the usual bizzo (smooth talk and a fast wallet work wonders), then when they suggested "How about your plaice?" I'd give them a piece of battered fish. Then they'd walk away in disgust, I always wondered why up until now.

You see, homonyms are such a pain in the arse (as are many things with that prefix, and yes I am allowed to say that from personal experience).