h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nice Place, in the springtime. Very pretty. Stay in the latin quarter, I can recommend Hotel Senlis; clean, pokey and no-nonsense. It's in there somewhere. There's a great little bar on Blvd saint Michelle called Polly Magoo, it looks like a squat and if you check it out from the outside during daytime (not recommended) you can see the whole building visibly sagging. So pop along there soon for a quiet drink and a taste of bohemia before it's pulled down. It's staffed by grizzly looking backgammon fanatics and is generally quiet. Good place to sit getting drunk with someone you love, which is what Paris is all about.
Also, if you go to Montmartre, and decide to get a portrait or caricature done, don't let someone come up to you unsolicited, as they are invariably not very talented, no matter how silvery tongued they seem. Just pick someone out from the ranks of licensed artists (terrible but there you go) and sit for them. Much better idea. Oh and avoid the Grand cafes which you see dotted everywhere, they're double the price of some of the smaller places, lack character, and the staff have the look of fulltime inhabitants of purgatory.
Oh, and just to make sure my little guide to Paris shows up when you search the site...
Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris Paris.
Am I allowed to do that?