h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In a drawer in my bedroom lies a much-cherished document - a letter I received whilst working a few years back during the summer at The Poetry Society. I had the pleasure of opening the post every morning, and reading the musings of a variety of eccentrics. But this letter stood above all - it's largely illegible, but the jist of it seems to be that the writer wants to sue ITN from breach of copywrite. This is because s/he believes that a story s/he wrote some years ago, called 'The High Priest and Minister's Niece' (or something) is precisely the story of 'Killer Nanny' Louise Woodward, and ITN infringed his/her copywrite by reporting it.

An enclosed extract of this masterwork tells us that Ms Woodward sacrificed the baby in order to appease the titular 'High Priest', and includes lines such as 'Someone's got a lot of sould searching to do over this. Otherwise we'll use force.'

I'm not sure, however, whether this beats the missive received by my brother at the beginning of his Civil Service career, from a gentleman who claimed to live on an iceberg in the home counties. He was writing to inform the Civil Service that God had requested him to put salt on the iceberg in a effort to relieve world hunger. Which was very nice of him.

Anyway, the point of me writing this, as much as there is one, is to compare and contrast the marvellous world of letters sent to businesses/public services. Besides, it'll make these individuals feel important/paranoid. Can any one match the aforementioned communications for sheer nutiness?