h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok how many of you are smoking now as you are reading this?
I thought so !
You see, its just too easy to pick up a cigarette and start puffing away.However,enough cannot be said for the benefits of carrying on smoking even if you want to stop.The problem lies with the lack of activity that you are suffering so the alternative is to munch on some foodstuffs instead.
The following I have found do work on a temporary basis,but it has the unfortunate side effect of turning you into a big fat person.
1. Mints - The classic breath freshener and low calorie alternative.However,certain mints should be avoided as they do have laxative effects.Smoking on the toilet is another topic altogether though.
2. Pringles - Enough said already I think about this demon potato snack.
3. Ginsters - Pies,Pasties,Sandwiches and other assorted snacks.Its too easy to whack one in the microwave and stuff it down your throat.
4. Biscuits - Normally chocolate digestives are the bain of the smoker as we all know that there is nothing better with a smoke than a cup of tea.If your not smoking then biscuits offer a good way of keeping you occupied.
So there you have it 2 options. Smoke and be thin or dont smoke and be fat.
Smoking also has the following benefits:
1. It keeps your wallet or purse light.
2. It keeps your mouth occupied and therefore prevents you from saying things just for the sake of it.
3. It keeps the government in funds and helps pay for election campaigns and stuff (NHS not included)
4. Ideal way to releive stress and helps you think in tricky situations
Theres just a few to get you all started,hope that this helps you justify your reasons for smoking.Don't forget you dont need to quit because its considered socially unnacceptable.You need to quit only if you want to.Dont get pressured by it all as its all down to personal choice.Just make sure that if you do quit try to take up knitting as otherwise you will just end up as a big round thing