h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi there - you're the first amoeba-like being that I've come across in my travels on h2g2... nice to see some company.

How did you get your name then?

It was a short evolutionary process, leading to the discovery that single-sell is much better then this multi-cell business.

What's with the 'Roasted'? Too much time in the sun?

Well... um... there was a reason. It's coming to me... there was a reason... there was a reason... ah yes.

As far as I know, I am the only living roasted amoeba. There used to be vast numbers of us, but unfortunately the toasted amoebas have now overtaken the roasted amoebas as the dominant species, and I am currently in hiding in Southampton. Due to a poor management decision made several million years ago by one of my rather hair-brained ancestors, the roasted amoebas decided to stay in England rather than migrate to America, and meanwhile the toasted amoebas migrated to America on a ship called the Juneflower, and did quite well for themselves there. A terrible plague called the Red Death swept England and killed off all the roasted amoebas except for me. And that is my life story.

As far as why I'm actually roasted is concerned... um... I've forgotten.

Those toasted ameobas are set on a path of extinction. All that charcoal really isn't good for you. You're much better off being roasted. Good evolutionary choice on your part.