h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have tried to consider this subject matter but the only conclusion which i can draw, is that there are too few trees on this planet.
My solution is simple. Everything is miniaturised, so why not the tree. If we were all to take a leaf (no pun intended) out of the Japanese book of life we could use the art of Bonsai to create vast amounts of small trees. If the woods were to be stacked on multiple tears, the world could then have vast amounts of trees per square meter. Would this idea not therefore solve the problem with air pollution. I think you would agree a great stride forward for mother nature and the earth....

A cunning plan with only a few drawbacks. You can't hide behind miniature trees or make them into planks for houses and boats or get lost amongst them if you are captured by an evil witch who lives in a house made of sweets.

The logical solution here is to either use gentic engineering to insure that future generations of humans are of a size proportional to the miniture trees, or some kind of mass-condensing device to shrink the existing ones. Not only would this solve the greenhouse problem, it would also improve the existing overpopulation issues.

If we could just find a way to extend the sphere of influence of the strong nuclear force in an atom to the range of, say, atoms with an unstable 3rd shell, I think this affect could be achieved.

Unfortunately, no-one would be around to enjoy it. Ohh well.

Furthmore on the subject of trees,
I would like to ask McDonalds to stop buying Brazilian beef, as this practise will probably lead to the completion of the destruction of the rain-forests and kill us all through slow asphixyation, thanks.

ahhh to hide from the evil witches one must find cunning plans on how to avoid them... Try avoiding last know witch haunts..
Re housing.. London is an example of liquid pour concrete so no wood use.. Infact why build wooden houses as they can befall a very bad fate if the alternative use of trees, re: other uses of trees, like matches.. very dangerous indeed.

On the subject of sticks.. Where would you get an instruction manual as i have overheard warning of not poking one's eye out.. how do you control a stick.. i have found that some sultures like to poke people with them.. maybe the instruction manual will notify how to avoid such an occurence. ouch!! blinking sharp sticks

Instructions for a typical stick.

1.

ooops, slip of the mouse.

1.

argghh, don't press tab in the subject field.

1. Hold back end between thumb and forefinger.
2. Sharpen front end against ground.
3. Hurl with wild abandon at any available primitive man.

They can also be used for walking, goading, whittling, construction or as a play thing for domestic creatures.

And for racing by dropping off bridges (cf Pooh and his loyal chums).
The danger of sticks cannot be underestimated, as witnessed by the entry into the English language of the phrase "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick". This surely proves that it was a common experience to have stick in your eye. Thankfully, with Progress, we are now more likely to get struck in the eye by a reinforcing steel rod.