h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"That" being the Prime Minister giving a speech in which he suggested that the Government would like to introduce instant, on-the-spot fines for acts of public disorder. He thought maybe it would make thugs think twice if they were likely to be hauled off by the police straight to a cash point and made to pay a fine of, say, £100.

I'm not often very aggravated by politicians' pronouncements, let along outraged. But this nonsense really IS outrageous. I can only think that Tony Blair has not run this idea by the Lord Chancellor, who might well have pointed out that it would be in direct contravention of the European Convention on Human Rights, which will at long last be enshrined into UK law in October - a great achievement for this Government, incidentally, which has not been widely enough recognised.

Under Article 6: "... everyone is entitled to a fair and public hearing within a reasonable time by an independent and impartial tribunal established by law."

Everyone has the right "... to have adequate time and facilities for the preparation of his defence."

There are 'fixed penalties' now for certain motoring offences, but in no case is the penalty exacted before an opportunity to challenge the accusation in a court of law. To empower the state's enforcement agency to directly impose financial penalties, with no opportunity for challenge or defence through due legal process, would not only be unlawful, but against all the principles of a fair society. Tony Blair is a barrister, for God's sake, and must surely know this to be wrong, deeply wrong, in all sorts of ways.

What would be the next step? Say the person marched by the officers to a cash point hasn't got enough credit available there and then. Will they be banged up for a few days instead? Or maybe they'll just 'fall down a few steps'. What if the cash point is out of order? Hoick the accused round town for a couple of hours until a working one is found, keeping the police from their real job? What if you have a bent copper who just picks up drunks and empties their account? What if somebody with a grudge against the police accuses them of being bent that way? Who's to know, without any process of examination of the evidence and opportunity to challenge the case.

The police, to their credit, don't want anything to do with the idea. The Tories are smugly gleeful, as they can see a drastically bad step by the Government when they see it. I suspect Mrs Thatcher would have loved to have tried this on but received better advice before making any public announcement.

I hope and believe that Mr Blair will think better of this and let it quietly drop. If he doesn't, he'd better get ready to face the judgement from Strasbourg, and it won't be in his favour.