h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Although I'd been lurking since October 1999 it's 10 years since I signed up. I didn't activate my page at first either. Or post very much and I still don't.

I've never really used my journal for detailing my day to day life as I can't imagine it's all that interesting to read, but as an experiment I'm going to try for a few weeks. Maybe not every day, and maybe not for long, but it seems like a good time to try.

I've never revealed a huge amount about my life and I still won't. No locations, real names and some details will be changes to prevent identification. But after 10 years, perhaps people wonder about me? I have 2 daughters, Sunshine and Moonlight, and several jobs. In 2008 I went from full-time work to a new, but part-time job, and top up my income with as much other part-time or temporary work as I can. Mostly teaching, but sometimes other things, eg film extra.

Anyway, if you're interested, the first installment of my daily life is in #2. Boxing Day.

Boxing Day.

My younger daughter Moonlight is home from university and had been to visit her dad. She's cyclothymic, which unpredictable, but she's often worse after visiting him. He has clinical depression. Cyclothymia is characterised by rapid mood swings. The up swing can be accompanied by impulsive behaviour, the down is melancholic and dark. It's sometimes called "Bipolar lite" but is a condition in its own right. Stephen Fry has it and on the high he impulsively shops for gadgets. On the down he's inclined to run away and hide. It's not easy for those who watch, and medication isn't possible because of the rapid nature of the changes. Self awareness is the key. Career wise, people who have this are often found in the entertainment industry, where an "artistic temperament" is tolerated. She's doing a Drama degree.

Mostly she's eccentric and quirky, highly intelligent, very witty and fun to be with. But there's usually no way of knowing when this flips into impulsiveness, melancholy or anger.

So, I collected Moonlight from her dads in time for us to watch David Tennant's Hamlet together. She spent most of it on her laptop, texting on her phone or napping on the sofa. At about 10.30 she suddenly decided to have a rant and a shout about New Year plans. This went on for about 2 hours. Her sudden demands are that I spend New Year's Day on what would amount to 7 hours driving across various bits of the UK, for her convenience. I think not. The original plan is to do a 3 hour drive on the 31st to visit Sunshine and her boyfriend and stay over, then all of us go on the 1st to watch Sherlock Holmes, eat, watch Dr Who and then I do a 3 hour drive back to the Garden of England by about 11pm. Moonlight's plan involves no film, food or Dr Who.

I went to bed, took the cat with me and we hid behind a closed door while Moonlight shouted, screamed and demanded until about midnight. At 4am she was still awake, all lights on and tapping away the laptop, probably ranting about how unfair life is. Today we have guests for lunch. I don't very often invite people when she's here due to her unpredictable nature and at one point last night she told me to cancel, but these are people who know her and are patient. Two of her friends and two of mine. Age range from 19 - 63. I'm making a vegetarian dish involving 3 kinds of mushroom and 5 kinds of cheese.

Thank you. I like to know what my friends are up to, and sometimes that I'm not alone.

I might get bored or writing about my own life, so this experiment may be quite short lived, but at least someone's reading!

Thank you for your card by the way. I'm rubbish and sent none!

(It's me - Hati.)

I am listening, too.

Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. It is also the most rewarding.

I'm making up for the years I was crap and didn't send any.

Hello to all the mothers! And Hati, I know you really suffer this time of year, so thank you for posting.

I'm trying not to moan too much about Moonlight, she's really only hard work when she's on a cyclothymic low but when the mood swings go the other way she's amazing company, and we miss not doing things together like galleries and theatre now that she's at uni. When she's thinking straight she's able to understand the trouble she causes and apologises, but she's been like this from a small child when she used to talk about her "growly bear" taking over, almost realising that there was something very powerful controlling her for a while. It's still easier to live with than her father, who has only two moods: miserable and very miserable. All dark, no light.

At the moment she's back for the holiday but on her own too much here during the day and I don't think she likes me working. However she seems unable to make the link between me working and me paying her uni fees. She announced at the start that she had an essay to write and was going to do this when she had quiet during the day. This hasn't happened, and I suspect it won't unless Facebook breaks. It's my fault it's not written, of course.

She kicked off again on Monday night with the same argument as before about New Year and demanding to be returned to her student house immediately, throwing in the fact that as I'm never around she won't ever come back in future and I'll never see her again, etc etc. So I said that was fine, if this was no longer her home I wouldn't feel obliged to pay her fees. I could almost hear the sound of her brain going into reverse on that one, so we shall see which one of us blinks first.

I got home from work to find a note to say she's not coming home tonight. An impulsive action but that is the nature of it. I then resolved the argument with a text message and a compromise solution on driving her back which isn't ideal, but doesn't give in to her unreasonable demands either. My unreasonable expectation of having one day off when I get to rest will not be met.

She's used to you have 'holidays' at the same time you are due to your previous career? I assume that even had you stayed teaching she'd have less time in the classroom than you now any way. J's aunt found her kids kicked off big time when her and her hubby gave up their milk delivery rounds. The kids and parents had always gone to bed at the same time, then suddenly, kids were made to go up 'early' and they didn't like it. Of course, their bedtime was the same, it was the adults who were now staying up late as they didn't have to get up at 5am anymore!

Hard one, J was happy when I was out of the house, but of course now I know why (thieveing toerag) I'm refusing to oblige him. It's nice and quiet without all the moaning and arguing about doing household chores or coming out on walks etc, so he hasn't found anything else to fill the time so perfectly. I've had to find ways to demonstrate to J the power of money you can't see. I'm sure he picked my credit card because I only ever use it when I can afford to, so was probably very casual about talking about it. I should have listened to people who warned of the dangers of talking to kids about adult stuff, but I don't have any adults to discuss stuff with most of the time.

>>She's used to you have 'holidays' at the same time you are due to your previous career?

Sorry, that went all to pot!

She's used you both having 'holidays' at the same time, due to your previous career?

That looks better...

Well, even in my new career I still have the same holidays. That hasn't changed as it's not really a dramatic career change, just a step up the rungs of a ladder I was already on. But I'm part-time so I need to sell off my holidays to the highest bidder. Not just in the holidays either, as I often end up selling my weekends too. Some weeks I work 7 days on about 4 totally separate jobs.

J sounds a handful at the moment. That's very hard on you.

Perhaps you could suggest to Moonlight that if you take in a couple of lodgers you won't have to work all the hours, but she'd have to sleep on the sofa (in the shed?) she might decide it's better like this instead.

J is being very nice to have around at the moment, but I worry about the future. My brother was about the same age when he started getting sticky fingers, and he moved on to shoplifting, a stint in jail, and he's still stealing from my parents.

I'd hate strangers in my house! And she's only here a few weeks of the year, maybe not even that. I only see Sunshine about twice a year these days too. So I'm enjoying having somewhere to myself for the first time in more than almost 30 years.

J needs a short sharp shock! Does he do anything like Army cadets? Or can your local police force arange a tour of the cells? Or take him to the public gallery of a court one day. You don't need to book, just turn up. Make him sit in on a theft case and see how scary it is. If you speak to their education office they may be able to arrange a tour of an empty court room first, even let him stand in the dock. And if you are very very lucky they may find a judge to talk to you.

I'll have a chat with his school perhaps, see if they can arrange a tour!

Didn't mean you should take in a lodger, just see how Moonlight likes that idea instead.

This might sound like a daft suggestion Coely, but perhaps Moonlight should stop depending on Mum's taxi service and use public transport (train/busses)? My daughter (22 and just starting her 4th year at uni) uses it all the time to travel to visit friends/work/exhibitions and finds it is mostly painless and not too expensive if one has a student travel card and books the cheap seats online.

Hi Gwennie!

Both my girls are very independent travellers with rail cards and do make National Express bookings all the time. Neither of them live with me any more. Moonlight's been travelling around the country to go to gigs or visit friends since she was about 14. She's even done sleeping rough on the streets for one or two nights, just to get right at the front on the barrier for her favourite bands.

Currently she lives 220 miles away from me and uses public transport to come here, she has to because I can't actually afford the petrol. In the 18 months since she's left home I've only visted once.

However, when she's on a cyclothymic low - as she is now - it's quite hard for her to be able to organise herself. If she manages there are quite a lot of either anger or tears of frustration.

Sorry, it must be very difficult to cope with for both of you Is there a local support group that could help when she's like this?

Support group? I'm not sure that would be of any use at all to her. It's not bipolar, the cyclothymic swings are less extreme and much quicker. She's been like it since about 4. Personal insight into the condition is the best way of managing it. And channelling energy into the kind of career where an "artistic temperament" is at least tolerated. As a family we've always known the best strategies and good friends understand. Someone asked Sunshine once why she was always so calm and even tempered. She said "Because I'm Moonlight's sister"!

Their father has bouts of clinical depression that last for about 3 months at a time, but you can see those coming and know that they will be long lasting. Rapid cycling of ups and downs are far less easy to predict, which is why medication doesn't work for cyclothymia. So one way or another I've been living with this around me since 1981, almost 30 years, but I don't any more. I divorced in 1995 and Moonlight is an adult who lives more than 200 miles away.

I'm kind of wishing I'd never mentioned it now! I wasn't looking for sympathy. It's just me deciding to mark 10 years on h2g2 with a litle disclosure about my life, but I'm only describing what has always been happening.

In addition (and this will probably be the last I'll say on it!) I'm very much against the idea that some perfectly acceptable, if sometimes extreme, human behaviours have to be seen as "wrong". Normal human behaviour and normal stages in human development are not medical "conditions" that have to be "treated". People are different! What is wrong with eccentricity, quirkiness or individuality?

Moonlight is on the more extreme range of behaviours, yes, but even she knows this. I wouldn't have her any different, even if it is frustrating sometimes. Other times we'll do galleries, theatre, even go to gigs together and she's amazingly good company.