h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When, and to whom, is it appropriate to use "sir" or "madam"? Are there "rules" for formality in business situation?

Depends on the formality of the situation. Most people would just use Mr whatever, certainly for the initial contact.
A business letter will usually start Dear Sir if you don't know the name of the person you're addressing, you can send letters starting Dear Mr whoever the letter is sent to.

Has this helped?
What situation are you thinking of?

As an Englishman I can think of almost no circumstance where you would use "Sir" or "Madam" except after Dear in a formal letter.

Some circumstances require you to use a formal Mr./Mrs/Ms. address and I would use this as default unless told "call me 'Bob'" or if the person calls you by your first name. It tends to be based on personal taste as much as anything - for example, my mother would be more comfortable with a more formal "Ms." when addressed by non-personal contacts whereas I have fresh enough memories from school to associate being called by my surname to mean that I was in trouble of some sort.

If I, say, am speaking to a business contact on the phone for the first time, making an appointment; would it be appropriate to use "When is a good time for you, Sir?", or is "Mr. [his name]" more common?

I have noticed that people on helplines and such are often using "Sir" when adressing customers or clients.

Will the use of "Sir" make me sound as a telemarketer or a helpline attendant?

I'd use mr [his name] rather than sir.

As per Homer Simpson - "I wish someone would call me Sir...without adding 'you're making a scene'".

Shop assistants,waiters and telemarketers use "sir". Almost nobody else does, unless you are talking to an unknown Englishman who is very much older than you.
The English also use names far less than most continentals. Probably it would sound more natural to say
"When would it be convenient to make an appointment?" If you are speaking to a secretary then "When would it be convenient to make an appointment with Mr Jones?"
Nver call someone by their given name until you have been asked to. It's better to be thought too formal than rude, and anyone who feels uncomfortable being addressed by their surname will quickly say "Please call me Duncan"

I would regard anyone who wanted to be called by their surname in a work environment as stuck up or something. This is because I regard my work colleagues as team-mates rather than as some enforced hierarchical structure....in fact I don't call anyone in this building by their surname and don't know half of them (the surnames, that is).
My accountant is "Gary", my agent is "Barry"...and I'm fairly sure they don't consider this rude, as they both call me "Duncan" and I'm positive that if I phoned up as "Mr. Jones" they'd be totally thrown.

Yes, but you are not a foreigner. And you are not in a formal business. What do you call your doctor or your lawyer?
or anyone 30 years older than you?
Personally, I avoid names as far as possible. You don't really need them unless you are introducing two people, in which case I recommend "Fred(the older one, and this assumes I know him well), this is Duncan Jones, Duncan this is Fred Smith"This leaves it to Fred to indicate whether he wants you to call him Fred. If he doesn't say anything, you call him Mr Smith.
As you may remember, I am particularly irritated by 16 year old nursing aides calling people old enough to be their (great) grandparents by their first name, and pleased to see that modern admissions procedures now ask how one () would like to be referred to..

I wouldn't call my doctor or my lawyer anything as I have neither.
However, if I had I think I'd call them by their first names - they are, after all, being paid by me for their service.

Who did your jabs, then - the garage? What did you call Doc McKinley? You ought to have made a will

I got the jabs done in a clinic for doing jabs - although I have already postulated that the person who did them was not a doctor.

Who is Doctor McKinley - and why would I use his name at all? Surely - "Morning Doctor","Morning - what seems to be the trouble?","Some garage mechanic has botched my jabs" should get the transaction done without any surname awkwardness.

You don't need a lawyer to write a will - but your point is taken. As I'm in the process of accounting for my assets I might as well bequeth them to various people.

McKinley is/was the one who told GAJ to get his finger out, ie the Caistor doctor.Did you call your friends' parents by their first names without being invited to do so? If so, the parents think your mother a failure and the children think her positively 19th century.

I call Jack, Jack and Ken, Ken.
(What an odd sentence...)
but I think this is more so since I became an adult (legally, at least ).
But I agree - most times I avoid names altogether.....I don't even know Christina's Parents' names.

But are they known as Mr & Mrs (whatever Christina's surname is) then?

As you say DJ, I call the Doctor, Doctor. The only one who I do use the surname for is the dentist and then he's a Mr.

Nope they are "Himself" and "Herself" being the Irish colloqialect (I made that word up - can you tell? ).

You shouldn't call your dentist by his/her name at all - it makes it so much harder to allow them to roam free in the wilderness when the time comes if you get too attached

And your made up word is trying to mean what exactly?

Duncan
The point is did you call Ken, Ken and Jack, Jack before they asked you to? Did you go from Mr Cross to Jack on your 18th birthday?(or Ric's as Cathy famously did) What do you call Squid's parents?
Mary's idiolect is interesting on this. She always introduces me as "This is my neighbour, Mrs Jones" which is the name by which I am known to some members of her family, but not her Caistor children. You, I think, have always called her Mary, even though she is 40 plus years older than you and was the mayor when you first met.

I think I always called Ken Ken. (D'ye Ken?)
I think I called Jack Jack after my 18th birthday ish,
and I'm not sure about Squid's parents...

Not that I can draw any conclusions from this, I'm afraid.

P.S. Colloqiallect is like a colloquial dialect, but it is a silly word so I hereby revoke it

I wonder if the original questioner found this thread at all helpful.