h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How do I end a relationship with my boyfriend of two years whom I still care about very much, but am not in love with any longer? I am also his first girlfriend, btw.

Let us hope this boy is stable.... You have three choices

1. You could go with the truth - and tell him it is over (please do not say you have met someone else, unless it is in conjunction with option 2)
2. You can tell him you are gay - this is always a way out, probably with the least resistance, but you have to either move or never take your next boyfriend to anywhere you could meet the now ex)
3. You just up and move, preferably over 200 miles away - this is a last act of desperation.

Just to make sure you know who is offering advice - my qualifications are none. I have the sensitivity of a brick, when it comes to human realationships. However that said, why are you breaking up with him? You say you care deeply about him, but you are still going to break up with him? There is something twisted there. Love does not stay the same all through your life, it changes as you, and he change. You cannot expect it to be like it was 2 years ago. The thing is are you going to chase that first year feeling over and over, dumping people when the love changes? and then hopefully 10-15 years down the line, try and stick to the latest, because the people you are attracting in 10-15 years time are 30-odds and you may want a family, or not to die alone or something. Think very carefully about what you are doing. Sorry about that rant, please forgive any offense given, I am just saying that what you consider 'love' will never last your whole life, no matter who you are with.
BCNU - Crescent

Forget Crescent's option 2 unless you really have just realised you are gay. Crescent you have no idea now do you?

However the truth is always best, there is no point being miserable in a relationship you don't want to be in it any longer. Tell him that you still care for him as a friend and that you don't want to lose that. Tell him that as you are his first he will undoubtedly always think of you in a special way and you hope that that is all the good times you have had.

But make sure you do stay friends it'll prove you mean that you still care for him. And don't go judging future g/fs he may have, unless he actually wants an opinion from you, and then try and be as objective as you can. Give him space, but be close if he needs it, but set the boundries.

If none of the above works you are more than right to get rid of him. If it does he really does understand and you will continue to have a good friendship. Even my exes are still friends once they found out I was as in Crescent's option 2 gay.

It is true, I have no clue, as I mentioned above, I am about as sensitive as a brick with this However the best split up I have seen was after someone had to take option 2, she had been going out with this boy for a couple of years, and it seemed a fairly amicable split (tho' he was a bit strange anyway). From my point of view, I would see option 2 as the easiest on the partner (he can basically rationalise that it was not his fault, it was something he just wasn't able to compete with) and the most likely option for him to still be friends at the end. What DD says is the best advise tho' - stick to the truth, it is your life after all. On the other hand I wouldn't 'Tell him that as you are his first he will undoubtedly always think of you in a special way and you hope that that is all the good times you have had.', as DD recommends, especially as you are breaking up with him. This I feel is a bad idea - 'cause as you are telling him that, of course, YOU will always be special to HIM - he could be wanting to break something. Maybe tell him that he will always be special to you would be a better course; rather than telling him what he is going to feel, tell him what you are going to feel.

Then again do not expect him to be friends for a while, cause if he was in deeply, thinking you are The One (as you can do with the first g/f), then this is going to gut him, especially if he has no warning of it. Then again maybe he has seen the signs (tho' with the first would he recognise them?), or has treated you like crap, in which case he may be prepared for it. He may come back to being friends after a few months, or never, depending on his personality. I will stop wildly speculating there Again my apologies for any offense, it was unintentional
BCNU - Crescent

Hello folks
Well I've done it.
I took the knife to him and he has been gutted, only to leave an icky, gooey mess on my kitchen floor.

I went with method #1(what a surprise, eh). For a bit of time, he was almost in withdrawel. I mean he called me all day, crying and asking me why. It's as if he had forgotten that we bicker constantly about every little, tiny, insignificant factor--understandable. It's very hard because I have touble telling him to go off and get over me every time he calls.
I'm one of those kind of pathetic people who, when we say we "want to be just friends", we really mean it. I do care about him sooooo much and I made sure to tell him so. I told him that, when he needs me, I will always be here for him, Demon. He is my best friend and always will be (I HOPE!) but right now I know we need some time apart and I just have to convey this.
Well, I suppose I did; it's just hard for him to take it, it seems.
Oddly enough, since it is summer, I will also be using method #3 and I am going off to New York. My hopes are that, by the time I get back, he'll be over me and ready and willing to be the friends we once were before all the bickering and bitterness began. Although, yes, I understand, this could take a LOT more time than that.
I'll just have to wait and see
Thanks to you both and, btw, no offense taken, Crecent

Good to here all that Rand0mSpotLight, just hope you cleaned the knife.

BTW I'm still friendly with all my exes included the latest. Even though the g/fs now know they were the wrong gender for me. They have no hard feelings at all. So you can keep the friendship going.

A hard thing to do whatever the situation. This remaining friends thing though can be very hard (don't I know it )

Rand0mSpotLight, I wish you the best of luck. As a final word of advice, never under any circumstances give him your phone number in New York. You may regret it if you do. This is experience talking.

And just to beat this horse to the ground, I have to agree with Demon Drawer. Never ever tell someone you're gay if you're not -- especially an ex. Some people will take this very badly, assuming that they're such a horrible partner that they've "driven" their ex to the other team.

Anyway, enjoy New York for me, Rand0mSpotLight. I always wanted to go back.

New York is a wonderful place to meet someone new, Rand0mSpotLight, mostly because there are thousands of other people in exactly the same situation as yours. I agree with Demon that option 2 is *not* an option; why lie? If you have good reasons to break up with someone, reasons that a sensible person would understand, those should be sufficient. And once you consider lying, why not pick other (perhaps more suitable) lies, like: "I've been engaged since birth to the King of Siam, and now is the time for me to take up my queenly duties," or "I met this really snazzy guy on the bus yesterday, and we're starting a new life together in New York...tomorrow," or "I look like a human being, but I'm actually a representative of an alien race sent here to study the possibility of colonizing Earth."

Good luck with everything.