h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Santa? Is that really you there Santa?

My name's tiptop and I think I'm lost. I'm only new here and I just kind of stumbled into this grotto. It looked nice and warm, and weather's so awful outside.

You don't have any maps in that big bag, do you? And perhaps a ball of string? And maybe a coat...and some mittens?

Oooh, are they real reindeer? Can I stroke them? Do they bite? They're much smaller than I expected them to be. Do they have names?

Welcome into the Grotto tiptop

Have a nice warming mug of cocoa...

Well of course it's really me. The only fake Santa's are those one's you find hanging around department stores ringing stupid bells. And really irritating they are, I can tell you.

If you're lost I can certainly help out. Why don't you just hop up onto my lap and I'll give you a lift on my sleigh. I'll drop you off in Croydon if that's okay with you?