h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was younger ( but not all that young; about 14 or 15 ) I ran away from home. Before doing so, I stole about £20 from my

mother's handbag. ( Hey, I was about to spend the rest of my life on London's streets - I needed to prepare ... ) Oddly, after a few

hours, my need to read overtook any hunger I had, and I started traisping around bookstores. In a branch of Dillon's, I discovered a

copy of "Hitch-Hiker's" that I'd never seen before - the orginal radio scripts ( with the almost unheard of second series, with a thousand

Rula Lenskas, and a planet made of trainers. I thought it was very inventive. ) Anyway. After not very long at all of wandering the

streets of London, with only the scripts of a 20 year old radio series to keep me company, I decided that I wanted out. I'd phoned my

mother a few times, and she put on her 'you do what you want, I don't care act' - something which I still resent; parents: never

underestimate the power of your own words. Every insult, every argument, every 'I don't care' - even if the child is only 3 ( he will

remember ) ensures further that when the time comes, you'll be locked into a dank, dark care home the second you start napping in

the afternoon.

Anyway. So I wasn't getting much joy out of my mother, and so I decided I'd get the police to take me home ( my mum couldn't really

lock me out of the house then, could she? ) and so I phoned them from a public call box and explained that I'd had enough. Within

about a minute, a squad car turned up ( were they around anyway, or was where I was calling from really no place for a kid? ) and

took me to the station. And so there I waited, depressed, small, sullen, lonley. A WPC gave me a Polo mint. I clutched the book that

I'd bought earlier to my chest. A police officer asked to see what it was. I showed him. He read the title out loud, and then stared at

me, a delighted little grin on his lips. "Well," he beamed, "You didn't get very far, did you?" He repeated this joke about four times to

anybody who'd listen until another P.C told him to shut up.