h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My fiance, a group of our friends and I just returned home from Las Vegas. All the sins Sodom and Gomorrah held have nothing on this most of American cities. Here was our typical day in the city: Wake up at 10 a.m. fresh from a night of excessive drinking, stroll down the street crowded with free porn to a buffet the size of Rhode Island Next we stop at the local no cover strip club, where my fiance and I receive lap dances. (I describe myself as "straight with the option to bi.") Next to the gambling tables, waste amounts of money that could have been used for Christmas. Browse through the yellow pages noting the excessive amounts of ads for "Female Entertaniers," which boast they can be in your hotel room in 30 minutes. Celebrity spotting is also a good passtime. While downtown, we spotted Evander Holyfield, Penn Gillette, and Robert DeNiro. Okay, so the DeNiro spotting was questionable. The man looked exactly like him, but kept making that wierd open mouthed, blinkey-eyed look that DeNiro usually reserves for special occasions.
Everyone in our group had the best time of their lives. I certainly did. Everything now seems dim and unexciting compared to Vegas. For example, I now think, "They call this a McDonalds?? Where are the flashing neon signs?? The slot machines???"