h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 I live in Gloucester. Which has been in the news in a gunman/BANGBANG situation. You see at The Gloucestershire Collage of Arts and Sciences (Or Gloscat as it was called until it got into the press)some prune leant through an open window at 11:00 and fired between many and one shots. Apparently the entire collage was closed off. Rhubarb; I went in at 12:00. Didn't see nothing. I only found out when I got home and saw the news. Most peculiar. BUT all day family have been calling up and askling me if I was alright (even though the news said no-one was hurt) and stuff. Of course, I've been telling them that I ran down the gunman, beat him up, etc.