h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, so I'm working for a company for a few weeks as a receptionist at a reasonable rate. However I've also trained one person on Microsoft Word at that same rate, and I've performed insect extermination duties. They should be paying me more!

KayKay

Did the insect extermination involve you running around with a newspaper or did you call in a professional (to run round with a newspaper)

It was my second day at this company. I went to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, and there was this trememdous cockroach wiggling its antennae at me from the corner. Now, this building I'm working in is very plush, posh and clean. The condition of a building is no indicator of its use as a Roach Motel.

From behind me, Arnab rushed in. "Look at the size of that roach!" I glanced backwards at him, and his brown skin looked a little pale and timidity shone in his brown eyes. He knew what I was going to ask him to do. He had larger feet than I did, and he wasn't wearing high heels.

"Hey you (I hadn't learned everyone's name yet), help me kill the roach!" Even as I begged him for help, the roach wisely moved further back into the corner. Arnab looked even more timid, and positively wan. "How are we going to get it out of the corner?"

"I'll find a way!" I spied a bottle of glass cleaner on the counter. From previous experience, I knew that the glass cleaner would send a mild corrosive through his exoskeleton. Even if that didn't work, he'd be flushed out of the corner. I just wouldn't know which way the beastie would run!

I grabbed the bottle, and squirted in the roach's direction. My second assumption was right. The roach shot out from its protective corner. I shouted. "Now!" and Arnab meekly stomped on him with a dress loafer.

"Well done!" I offered the gently Arnab my hand and pumped it enthusiastically. But the creature was not dead yet. It's guts were spilling everywhere, but its little legs were still wiggling in the air. I grabbed an empty water jug from the corner, and used a lot of pressure to finish the job.

*Splat!!!* The roach was dead. Arnab ran away, and I was left with the disposal of the body. I couldn't find any paper towels. I didn't even know where the garbage can was. I found my way around, discovered two styrofoam plates that I could use to scoop up the remains, found the trashcan hidden in a cabinet, and cleaned up the mess.

No newspapers or professionals were involved in the grisly murder of this roach.

KK

It's nice to see a determined amateur is as effective as a professional

The whole point is, I am going above and beyond the job description that I was given for this assignment. I was hired to answer phones, type some documents and spreadsheets.... that sort of thing. I should get more money, I tell you! But I got to tell y'all my big game hunt story. I always wanted to do that. Now, where's my towel?

KK

Are you going to mount the cockroaches head on the wall?

Heavens, no! I had to squish the head to assure he was dead. Decapitation wasn't an option, unfortunatlely. (?).

I don't want to see his head on the wall. Or any parts of roaches on my walls. Or whole roaches on my walls, living or dead.

KK

You could have kept it in a scrap book... much like how they press flowers

Contemplation

It could have made a very small rug, with it's antennae flattened out in front of it.

In a scrapbook? As a rug?
Whaddya think I am, a thug?
A twisted mind, or two, have ye.
And with that thought, I need to flee.

Leave the poem just that way.
I'm signing off as - KK