h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Number 5, The homepage of researcher 98455, the one and only Jim diGriz. Please be careful and don't bring mud in here from the greenhouse please.
Phil

*carefully checks shoes for mud, but can't quite scrape the slight high from his brain still holding over from the greenhouse*

Ah, yes! The Stainless Steel Rat! Possibly the most resourceful character with a sense of humor in Sci-fi. Suddenly I feel like having an adventure.

And what an interesting selection of material here! Where else can you read 'Das Kapital' and 'Gödel, Escher, Bach' while watching 'Tank Girl' and 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'?

This looks like an interesting place. Thanks once again Phil

Ah, beat me to it Coely.
I love Jim's page, been here quite a few times.

*takes her muddy shoes off and steps in*

Opps, nearly forgot. I'm not really here.
Sshh, I'll just lurk in the background for a while.

This all seems a bit over my head really. Except the bit about Ferris Bueller, I can understand that totally. I think I am still affected by the bong, so I'll come back later when I have gathered my senses together.

*looks around* Hmmmm. Errr, yes. Mmmmm.

Hi everyone!

You come home from a day at the office, ready to put your feet up with a nice mug of cocoa, and what happens?

Yeah, yer place is full o' people traipsing around!

Anyway, now you're all here, welcome! Welcome!

And don't worry too much about mud. Just please don't bring any animals in here. Especially squirrels. Not fond of squirrels. Last year, a squirrel resulted in my worst skateboarding injury. Ugh!

I don't think anybody had any animals to bring, just vegetation in various stages of life and death. Thanks for the welcome, do you mind if I sit here?
Whoops, sorry, I didn't mean to break that.

*shoos away all the squirrels he brought with him*

Ahhh, that's better now all those pesky squirrels have gone.

Mina, don't worry about it. It's not actually mine. No really, it belongs to a friend. No, I don't know why he owns one of those either. Just throw it in the bin. On second thoughts, I'll take it outside. Wouldn't want it to start smelling. Not a very nice welcome for all these people who've popped in to Special Corps HQ.

Anyway, Good Morning all! Who fancies some breakfast?

Hi! I would have been here earlier, only I tripped over a whole load of squirrels who seemed to be scurrying out of here in a hurry about 9 hours ago and I only just came round.

Ah, Slippery, I would love some breakfast. An anti-hystamine tablet never seems to go far enough.
I is most impressed with the book selection, you are putting me to shame and making me itch to read.
Was it a rad or grey squirrel?

That should be red, not radioactive

Breakfast! Great, I 'll have something toasted, a squirrel if there are any dead ones after IanG threw himself on top of them. Otherwise I'll have something to cure my net addiction please. Drat these 24 hour free phone calls.

OK, toasted squirrels for all!

The squirrel in question was a grey one, I think. It all happened so fast I didn't get a good look at it.

Hmm... might make a nice theme cafe... the Toasted Squirrel Breakfast Club.

Anyway, it's lunchtime now, so maybe we should be looking at some squirrel pie and fries.

If you have any brown sauce I'll have a squirrel on a stick please.

I don't have any brown sauce, I'm afraid.

Oh wait a moment ... here's some sachets of brown sauce I nicked from a motorway service station. Will these do?

*hands round plate of squirrel fritters*